Tadaima~
time flies, its my third week in UTM Johor, and it had been like, my my, hell....
so many things to say, but really don't know how to start... it seems like ages, yet its only my third week here... the feeling is mutual, i'm experiencing far more emotions and pressure than i had ever experienced, such diversity and such changes. its kinda hard on me at first, but i'm slowly accepting it and trying my best to blend in.
okay, bout my university, its called UTM, Universiti teknologi malaysia, famous for being an engineering university. its kinda weird tat i'm actually studying biology in such a technical school but i'll just skip tat. there are around 1000 foreign students in UTM pursuing various courses ( we have one taking biology, her name is Marvel from turkey)
the university is HUGE... we have around 17 colleges (if i'm not mistaken), a college is like a housing area, with plenty of hostel blocks, an information center cum office, their own grocery srore, restaurants, sports facilities, etc etc...
my college is called Kolej rahman Putra, one of the oldest colleges, but also one of the colleges nearest to the academic center.
hmmm, i don ve my laptop with me yet, and now i'm updating my blog in the bio informatics center inside the academic center. its a rare opportunity that i'm so free. uni life is hectic. will update asap, and upload photos too~
my room mate is a christian from Kuching~
ciao!
In memories of my first puppy~
you had been angelic and a lot of fun.
we love u like nuts.
too bad that you are leaving us so early.
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We were having a small gathering with close friends from Green Road on Wednesday, only those who were free anyway, everyone had been so busy. Chia and Deena decided to go to Fen Xiang at stapok for dinner. I am not familiar with that area, but I tagged along anyway. Then the really appalling thing happened… Fen Xiang is closed every Wednesday~~ Chia was really looking forward to dine there, me too, because we heard so many talking bout how scenic that place was.
The three of us turned up with three cars, and we were like laughing at each other: so many cars, so little people. The place is closed, what are we doing, so worked up for nothing.
So we decided to go somewhere else, ISABELLA. For a drink and something light. So we went back to our cars. I started the engine. It wouldn’t start. Then the alarm starts ringing. I quickly leap off the car, press my remote to stop the alarm. Climbed back in the car, try starting the engine again. Same thing happened. Leap off. Climbed in. then I realize this is bad. Called my dad. Oh oh, battery’s dead….
So so sad. This is the first time something like this happened to me, and I’m really really clueless bout what to do next. Turned out that the solution is pretty simple. U just need to borrow some electric from another car to start yours…
So in the end, tired an exhausted, we spent our night-out at Isabella’s. which was pretty packed that night. The noise is intimidating!! Wow~ its scary almost. But the dining area is really great, makes me feel like home immediately with all the veils and pillows~
I am excited! I am nervous! I am thrilled! I am nervous! I am nervous!
Ah~ I really don’t know what to expect…
I think I am ready. Everyone’s leaving, well most anyway. My friends, when will we be seeing each other again? Even if we still get to meet in the future, I’m not sure we will be as fond of each other as we are now. My dear friends, you are all indeed my treasures, who makes my life many many times worthy of cherishing! I salute you, friends~
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I am leaving tomorrow morning, 8.45am to Johor, UTM. I don’t know what I will be facing and I really don’t know what to expect. I have never been to Johor, and this makes the whole thing more exciting and wrench-wrecking and scary and etc. etc. etc…
Johor~ here I come!!! ( with sue~)
I am not going to bring my laptop, so I really don’t know when can I update my blog. So till then, ta-da~
finally a cloudy evening. the sun had been blazing for days, i guess it finally realizes that it needs a break too. i don't know if its me or what, the temperature despite the weather did not drop a bit. the sky is gray, but i'm still feeling steamy and hot inside the house. must be because the earth absorbed far too much heat. heat is still radiating in the air.
one thing i am scared of, changes. people, places, things, thoughts, perspectives. i am horrified. won it be great things stay the same forever. the most scary thing is when u realize that things around you are changed one day, and finally come to realize that you are the one who changed the most.
someday, things will be okay again. and we will be carefree. restricted in neither emotions nor actions. we can set ourselves free. i wonder how that feels like? the emotional burden, is getting heavier every single day. when i am trying to hide my true self, will i eventually lost my true self?
practice, and then u grow. we are all like that. what is more important? pleasing thyself? pleasing others? pleasing God? the answer is clear, yet the decision seems so difficult. i heard people saying that, without suffering, there would not be compassion. so without choices, there would not be good decisions?
i really don't like it, having to handle many many difficult things in very very limited time. and people ( parents) keep nagging at your back telling u this telling u tat, because they are worried that u will miss out this one mis out that one... i need a break.
still on my to-do list:
- fill in forms
- medical check-up ( scheduled tomorrow)
- open CIMB bank account (tomorrow morning oso)
- pay school fees via CIMBclicks
- certify offer letter(s) (tuesday)
- taking passport-sized photos
- ptptn loan
- getting my supplies
today she was talking about following Jesus. she started by asking, how many of u have followed Jesus for more than 25 years? a few shot their hands up.
then she asked, less than 10 years? no one put their hands up this time.
she did not come to my category. but, even if she does, will i raise my hand?
that question lingers, because i have no answer. i am a christian, if your definition of one is someone who goes to the church every sunday, receives the holy communion, pray before meals... yeah i am one. but, am i really one to God?
the pastor's wife, her name is liew chi ming. she then went on, categorizing christians she knew.
- those who knows much bout God and sees His grace as something easy to come by
- those who sees God's grace as something valuable and worth sacrificing for
those in the second category, they lead a different life after receiving God's abundant and precious grace. they change, so as to reply God's grace, because they want to, because God's grace is tat great.
sometimes we refuse to think of all these, ignoring the seriousness. this world ain't going to last forever. and our period on earth is short. think, where do u want to go, and constantly remind yourself, God's grace, and the sweetness of eternity in Christ.
okay, IPTA admission result was out on wednesday! thanks to soonkiong (i checked via the link in your blog) so i get to check in the middle of the night.....
after making a few mistakes in typing the angka giliran, trembling all the way, i peeked through slits of my almost squeezed closed eyes....
...........
..............
UTM.
This is one of my experimental choices!!!! I don't even know what's the course about...
after the shock, i woke my parents up, booked plane tickets (yes in the middle of the night), practically called up everyone i know...
Su Chern
Sia Yuen
Wei thing
Chia Yin
Jayne (did i call jayne or did jayne call me?)
Chee Yuan
Wee Mee
these were the only ppl who picked up my call in the middle of the night! so i know who to call in emergencies next time~
then it suddenly hit me, NO ONE i know is going to UTM!!!!!
everyone seems to be heading to UKM, UPM, USM, UMS....
what should i do? what should i do???? i m positive this is what that cause my insomnia... slept round four thirty and woke up before seven~
then i heard tat Sue's heading to UTM as well!!!! YEAH!!! YIPEE!!! finally~
so now, i m in the midst of preparations, clothing, documents, more documents, and mre documents....
what is kain labuh?
te dressing code is so strict, making uni life sounds like secondary school, where the students are not allowed to dye their hair, accessorize, wear clothes they like... ( are we allowed to wear jeans? ) they might as well gave us uniforms! just to make things easier...
even tho i m not contended in many ways, i'm actually looking forward to the whole thing~ uni life should be a blast! hope i get to enjoy while it lasts!
bought my laptop on saturday! i am... Happy! not really satisfied... but HAPPY!
since i'm not that kind of techno ppl who understands or appreciates technology and everything, i guess that my purchase was a great deal actually, cheap! below my budget, so happy to be saving money!
HP COMPAQ PRESARIO C770
RM 1799 ( the price makes it great)
CORE DUO 1.73GHZ
1GB DDR2 RAM
160GB HARDDISK
DVD BURNER
15" WIDE SCREEN ( really, as in, REALLY big and bulky!!! don get me wrong, i don think its an advantage. but on the bright side, it kinda serve my drama addiction well...)
BRIGHTVIEW
WIFI, WEBCAM (no bluetooth)
56K MODEM & NIC
5 IN 1 CARD READER
3 X USB 2.0
INTEGRATED X 3100
384MB DISPLAY
WEIGHT: 2.7KG ( i'm telling you, i'm going to come back from uni one muscular girl, with extremely sculpted arms~ no kidding, its HEAVY!)
the website says:
The following products are no longer for sale:
» Compaq Presario C769TU Notebook PC (KT187PA)
» Compaq Presario C770TU Notebook PC (KT188PA)
that's the reason for the price??
okay, i'll continue. last day of work was friday. but just found out that i stil have to go back to school on monday, to hand-over and stuffs... and so many mistakes in the students' marks!!! have to go back to change their marks.... so hopefully, monday really IS my last day...
after school on friday, we are supposedly celebrating chia and wei thing's birthday in advance with niong moi, deena and choon fung them. but twist and turn and this and that and ^%&^*& many many times it didn't work out.... so sad. wanted to celebrate for them. so we make things simple, we got them a cake and a card and thats about all. ( i made my own card!!! i m getting artsy~)
there's a talk on education loan (which is one of the main reason we are calling off the celebration) down at inti college. so wei thing me and chia quickly grab dinner at the seafood restaurant near mr chin's maths tuition there. ( the food's superb)
the talk was organised by carlsberg. so i was thinking, is this their new technique? rationalising the connection between alcoholic drinks and students?
everyone's talking bout how PTPTN is actually a taxing loan, with the sky rising interest and stuffs. a teacher complained that the amount of his debt actually increased after paying for one year due to the interest rate. wow~
by the way, sue was tat u i saw that day in inti? i din stay till the end. did u get the free gift? they serve alcohol in the end isit?
i have so mucch to update!!! but lets take it slow. so first things first.
i'm officially... a penggangur!!! JOBLESS!!! yeah! had been working since december last year, so so so happy i can finally do things i want instead ( i know i have plenty of holidays as a teacher, but being job-free and being on holiday is totally different)
last week was my last week in school, and for someone like me, who procrastinates her work from time to time, it was definitely a lot like hell. a lot of work that i push back since day one, and a lot current stuffs.... so the workload had like doubled? tripled? i'm sure it was more than that...
from monday i had started to plan everything out. money stuffs inluding fees and such, management stuffs: report cards, discipline cards, record book...., project stuffs: sejarah kerja kursus...
getting those done, and keying in the recent exam's marks....
back home i have no time to waste either. i need to prepare presents for my students. i want to get them something so as a last remembrance of me and stuffs. but i m poor, so i decided to make them bookmrks. i downloaded beautiful quotes online. type them out nicely. buy fancy paper, do designs on the bookmarks, laminate them... took me one week to make 200 for my students! but the result was satisfying.
my last day was stil blurry to me actually. things come and go, in fast motion, so fast, that i din take in much and din have to time to let everything sink in.
what i remembered was i received flowers! for the first time in my life!!! roses!!! and i realise that i really do like flowers. so those ppl were not exaggerating in the dramas, you can really melt us with flowers. me anyway.
students:best of luck have a great life~ i m really looking forward to hearing from u all in the future!
i'm waiting, constantly on standby, for something great to happen, nothing did really happen, sometimes i feel like giving up already, but the thought of how good it will be, i know, i cant possibly give up something that bears such a sweet fruit.
of course, what i am waiting for, is not just One thing, its a combination of all kinds of things that i want, and really hope for, spiritually, mentally, physically...
waiting for things to happen, or waiting for life to end. its simply like that, right? or is it?
when one has the courage to dwell in these possibilities and uncertainties, they will definitely be surprised. as tough or difficult as it may seem, its actually simple facts. believing and not believing. thats all. the rest is done. we have the easier and simpler parts.
life is like a holiday. this is not the place u originated, nor is it the place u will be staying. u are on a holiday. u will go back home one day. so, its really unnecessary to bring all that luggage. everything u ever wanted is not as precious as what u have up in your real home.
ah, how many have the courage? to give up all materials on earth. even though we know that giving these up makes us richer.
my current addictions: meaning dramas i m catching~
1. k-drama: snow white
monday till sunday, 12.30-1.30pm, saturday 1.00-2.00pm,
channel: xingkong\typical comedy bout how ugly betty become a princess, and snow white ended up with prince charming's little brother~
2. j-drama: zettai kareshi aka absolute boyfriend
channel: www.mysoju.com
the whole plot and concept is slightly disturbing, as in marally. watch it and u'll understand. i definitely think that the drama is better than the anime~
3. last scandal (k-drama)
cant watch via veoh tv, dono y they block malaysia users... so have to wait patiently for users of youtube to upload it... at the moment, only up to ep 2
featuring veteran actors and actresses, u don get this everyday, both the male and female leads are almost 40???
anxieties: ( which happens to be things that i anticipated much for)
1. IPTA admission!!! when will the result be out??? dying to know where i can go
2. getting my laptop, Hp? Acer? Toshiba?
3. resigning....
i did not update my blog lately because i'm all so caught up with....
TREE OF HEAVEN~
yup, another korean/japanese soap. for a long long time, i did not indulge in any tragic soaps, nothing half as sad after Autumn in My Heart and Stairway to Heaven, and when i finally sit down for one, my goodness.... i really forgot how sad stories are, its different from all those funny, light stuffs, and made me realise, wow, now that's real drama...
tree of heaven is a total howler... its a short drama, ten episodes, but it had me bawling my eyes out from the very first episode till the last one, until my whole body system is upset and became all sentimental and sappy.... i cried when they were happy, cried when they were sad, all scenes, cheerful, lively or moody and gray, i cried, like a crazy person...
i cant help having scenes of the story playing in my head again and again so i decided to write it down.
quotes from the story i'll never forget:
"if your feet isn't cold, your heart will be"
it means, because your heart is getting cold, to prevent it from getting colder, you make other parts of your body cold, so that your heart is, under comparison, warm.
the male lead was a lonely boy named yoon suh who lost his mother in his childhood, so he felt that his heart is cold because no one cared about him anymore. he had a habit of walking barefoot in the snow (please ignore the fact that he might get frostbite, its only a drama) so that his heart won't get cold.
he later fall in love with her stepsister Hana who understands his pain and thought that she can warm his heart, but due to misfortunes that landed them when they fall under care of Hana's greedy aunt, they were separated and did not meet each other until it was too late.
its a typical korean sad sonata but still, its a heart wrenching piece that's really watch worthy, and if u are a fan of stairway to heaven, this is a must-watch, the male and femae leads in this story are actually the actors from stairway to heaven. yoonsuh was the younger version of the stepbrother, and hana was the young version of the female lead.
why i'm so into this soap:
sad stories have their way getting into the most sensitive part in your heart and eats u inside out, u feel so painful, but its addictive, so u cant stop at all...
the female lead, Hana, by Park Shin Hye, who was only 15 then, did such a great job~ she was a really convincing actress and i really feel her, her pain, her joy, her misery... she is someone (her character) i would want to become, helping ppl open up, giving ppl second chances, things which i have so many opportunities to do but of which i let slip.
mafia! gangsters are always cool, despite the bad things they did, all those men, dressed in black, doing things in unison, for a common goal, for a leader they honor (its just diff from MIB)
hope u like this drama too~
yes, that's right! a baby boy! haha, a male puppy, i mean. my first, my brothers' first, this is so so cool!
chin lin asked if i want one, n i said yes, and, voila~ here he is! i cant show him to u yet, i din manage to take his picture, but, soon, i ll snap a few real soon!
we were so excited about him coming to our hz, he is exactly what we had been wanting for so long, and we simply love him~ haven given him his name yet, my mom keep calling him bobby, or lubby... -_-"
today is officially his 5th day in our hz, and we are stil not getting tired with him, playing and feeding him (bottle-feeding, since he's too little), so i guess this is going to last, us, loving him~
sometimes i feel, ah, how small my world is, how restricted my perspectives, how shallow i am, how incredibly ignorant i am sometimes. i always thought i hated dogs and puppies alike, but, once i have one, i'm totally head over heels, shockingly, so into puppies... so i guess, things that i don't like, maybe i feel so simply because i never come into contact or have direct interaction with them? its like people who were never in touch with evangelism, how would they know that Jesus loves them so much, and that they will love Him back just as much? worth pondering.
but, i am absolutely clear, i HATE physics, regardless the fact i can merely master the subject in class ( or at least memorized it), i simply cannot convert physics i read in text books into real life situations. i m still buggy about how the burglar alarm works. i had perfect score for this question in form 5 because i simply memorize the whole essay without understanding..
but hey, who knows, maybe one day, all these theories will just out of the blue strike a chord up there in my head and i can start to love and see physics all around me?
nah...
chia yin rang me up on sunday bout some kind of a concert monday night. i was thinking, hmmm, concert? at ACS, so it must be a christian concert. but still, i'm not sure if my mom will let me go, since its night time etc etc....
so chia reserve a free ticket for me. when i asked my bro, he was really psyched bout it, and ask me if they have extra tickets, they didn't, so i ask him to ask his friend, and yup, they have, but none of his friends are going, so i'm going with him.
that night, when we turned up, the place was slightly packed with teens. and i actually feel i'm out of place! even though i'm young and stuffs, the worst part is i met so many students of mine... that feels weird~
okay, so we meet up with chia, wei thing and niong moi~ they brought along niong hua ( back from UM!!) and christopher~
saw kimberly!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM!!!
i was disappointed... the concert i mean, because i don understand a word, i can only hear ppl shrieking and yelling, and fuzzy fuzzy parts of the lyrics which made no sense to me... so, it was hard to enjoy myself... next time, when we are going to the concert of which the singer we are not familiar with, its better we go through their songs...
anyway, thumbs up for the atmosphere!! its great!
and my brother did enjoy himeslf with the drums~
chad's myspace profile. he has a new album coming up! he's good!
This is something i read in The Upper Room which i find really relevant to our lives n hope u find it helpful too. (the uppr room, may-june 2008, may 22 2008)
a story tells about a rich man who pleaded with God to let him bring into eternity one suitcase full of his most valuable possessions.
God finally conceded, and the man packed as much gold as he could into his biggest suitcase.
when he arrived at heaven's gate he was met by St. Peter, who opened the suitcase, curious to see what the man valued most.
"what!" St. Peter was incredulous: " You brought pavement?" (in the place Jesus had prepared for us, the city was made of gold)
understanding what's important from God's perspective is a challenge. if we could see earth from eternity, what we strive for during our years on earth would look different. we can use our energy fretting, clutching, struggling, and hoarding: but if we do, we will miss what is more important.
Jesus said: " I go and prepare a place for you... that you also may be where I am" (John 14:3). The important part is Jesus' being with us. spending time with God and seeking to more fully understand God's word connects us with eternal values.
what about gold? well, gold is fine as long as we keep it under our feet and not in our hearts, minds, or suitcases.
last day of school for first term!!! yeah!!! holidays, here i come~
even though i m no longer a secondary school student, i think i still feel like a one,
getting excited bout first day of school,
dreaded throughout the whole school term,
participate eagerly in all academically-related or non academically-related activities,
day-dream bout less hassle and toil,
wishing hard for less work waiting to be done,
resenting all troubles coming my way,
and practically scream for the holidays~
seeing the students is like looking through the mirror n see myself, some were exactly like me, some were like the well-hidden characteristics within me, its a really interesting thing to do, working with ppl, handling real people, reading bout ppl, experiencing ppl, living ppl, mixing with ppl, widening my perspective bout ppl, learning bout ppl, talking to ppl, convincing ppl, persuading ppl, helping ppl.....
its amazing...
i skipped IJN's interview at Hilton Hotel, Kuching. sigh... i hope i won regret it.
its not an impulsive decision. i really give a lot of tots concerning this interview. getting my resume done, planning how to answer the questions they might ask, pondering upon all kinds of possibilities, and all the good things i like about nursing, i even connect it with helping those in misfortunes like those suffering from the earthquake in China....
on sunday morning, i woke up really early. (tats the day of the interview) all kinds of images swept through, thinking clearly over everything and the fact tat my mom will like it very much to see me as a nurse when she is in this field herself. its like i'm not only considering my own interests, i have to take into consideration hers as well.
well, my dad is against it. he was perfectly sure that i have no interest watsoever in nursing, because i don like seeing ppl who are sick or suffering, and poking holes on ppl's skin really is a barrier for me.
in the end i din go.
- i'm really not interested. even tho i did poorly for stpm, it doesn't mean i have to grab every opportunity i see, regardless of my own interest.
- don want to take up others' chance to study nursing (its a scholarship aka FOC) especially those who really have keen interest, everyone who are interested should be given a fair shot
taking chinese studies in UTAR~ i got the admission to UTAR already, but i really want to wait for IPTA, if it turned out to be ugly (the course offered), guess i ll be seeing zhen hoa again next year!!
talking about resigning, i handed in my resignation letter today. Finally.
i really want to stop teaching, for now, since i had been working for so long~ almost 5 months now ( including the holidays which at least takes up around 2 months) but really dreaded bout going too. there are so many things i had barely started and i simply cant carry on anymore. things like:
- making an impact~ on my students, encouraging them to work hard towards a real goal besides academic excellence. and making changes, let them see things~
- help the poor students to improve academically. i started this extra class for a few of my students, and all of them showed improvements in this semester exam. this kind of joy and satisfaction i feel is really beyond words~ i fear for them, getting nervous when they were nervous during the exam, and so anxious to mark their papers... and then they did well, and i felt so relieved. but i know without someone pushing them they will go back to their own ways being laid back again.
- becoming a great teacher~ haha its my dream, because seeing so many irresponsible teachers teaching just for the sake of it makes me feel so angry! no wonder students are no longer respecting the teachers~ so, LET ME GET INTO EDUCATION IN IPTA!!!
its really clean considering the condition the table was before we cleaned it! refer to the before pictures in my previous entry. this is like so so so great already~i missed my students already~
oh i almost forgot! today's teachers' day!
and this is the first time i received teachers' day's presents~ so sweet of them, exam masih ingat teachers' day~
our school is going to celebrate the teachers' day on the 23rd, but only the prefects and the class monitors are coming. how i wish everyone can go!
stil in the blues of pre-resigning from my job as temporary teacher, and busy clearing everything under my responsibilities: key-in Sejarah Kerja Kursus, updating students' profiles, update discipline cards, prepare report cards, preparing holiday homework, settling debts in the office, urge students to pay their class funds and money for workbooks, getting the class accounts done, and plotting gifts for my students....
when i least wish for trouble to come my way, since i'm all so tied down to so many work already, the trouble comes.
the school clerk told me tat they had entered "by mistake" my colleague's salary into my account. okay, so this is their mistake right? i really didn't expect it when they were half barking at me, pulling that unsatisfied face at me, telling me that i need to withdraw tat money.
at first i was like, okay, that's not too much of a trouble, so i go to the bank and withdrew the money in cheque.
my dad ask me to get an official letter from the office stating that they had been a mistake and that the money is withdrawn and settled stuffs. but the clerks refused. instead they ask my colleague to write a letter to me stating that she has received tat particular amount of money.
then the problem comes. i misspelled my colleague's name!!! so the cheque was rejected... so now i have to go back to change the cheque, which means i have to pay a certain amount to buy another cheque and cancel off that particular cheque.
its not really something worth getting frustrated about actually but the clerks really get on my nerves!!!! how can they be so irresponsible? and they din even say sorry! really disappointed by their attitude.
but, at least, i learned quite a lot of stuffs from this experience. in order to withdraw money u need your bank book. transferring of money from one bank to another takes time, tat is a few days. to transfer money u need your ic. and its always easier to just withdraw cash if u are not tat worried bout safety.
tired, worn out, devastated, depressed, sad.
plus, my students did really poorly in this semester exam~ so so sad...
Received a letter from IJN ( Institit Jantung Negara) aka Natinal Heart Institute aka the hospital Tun Mahathir receive treatments not too long ago.
it says:
congratulations! you are selected for the interview for diploma in nursing......
this is weird, last time i logged on to the website, it says i m disqualified, since i forgot to attach my photo, and now this?
i checked the shortlisted list, and 144 applicants are selected, out of how many? no idea.
hmmm, maybe they mixed up something but, hah, since they ask so sincerely already, haha, maybe i'll just go! so as to gain experience n stuffs~ plus IJN is really a very prospective hospital n nursing isn't all tat bad~
