home sweet home, it is the place to be, the place to belong and the place to keep.
regrets and much more feelings of such. so little that i can do for my family and yet so much they contribute to my life. they are not asking for repay, they are giving willingly and because they love me. it is always easy to be on the receiving end but if one forget to appreciate and be contended and be grateful, how sad it would be.
my heavenly abba is just like tat. he is always on the giving end. i have so little to offer, he showers me with all i need none the less.
he ask me to be patient and to pray and to listen to his voice. all the voices of world are drowning out his voice, that's why he ask me to be patient and to listen attentively, there are too many voices that are mimicking his, and i might fall sometimes. he says listen to him closely, he is speaking to me. he says do not fear but to believe with all my heart. he says have faith in him, no matter what is to happen, trust him and know that he sends wisdom.
the new rev at chin fu methodist church delivered a powerful speech yesterday. he was talking about tests from God.
he said, God only test us in two areas, in our faith and in out techniques (how we handle things)
things might happen, good and bad, will you still have faith in him?
things might happen, good and bad, will you have the wisdom to solve them?
pray faithfully, for wisdom. and handle your tests with joy at heart, because you know, tests are temporary and that God is faithful and his deliverance will never be late or wrong.
do i have the faith to wait upon the Lord faithfully?
oh my dear Abba, my dear Lord, how i long for Your deliverance, how i long to hear Your voice, how i long to see Your plans, how i long to understand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zv7tHIO52g0
我心切切渴慕祢，乾旱疲乏無水之地。
祢是我一切，我心完全屬於祢， 只願更多與祢相親。
我要切切尋求祢，乾旱疲乏無水之地。
祢是我一切，我心不住思念祢， 只願與祢面對面。
我要永永遠遠來愛祢， 我要永永遠遠渴慕祢。
祢是我一切，我心不住思念祢， 只願與祢面對面。
祢愛最美， 我心不住思念祢，只願與祢面對面。
i wanted to put down so many negative feelings here before i started typing and yet when all those feelings transformed themselves into the form of words, running across my mind like the flashes of lights from across, i did so much screening (because those feelings, when turned into words were nothing building or constructive and i realized that those feelings are not going to bring me far nor would they bring me near the Lord. eventually, this is what i got for the opening.)
as i was saying, no negative stuffs unless they are constructive, and mind me, can a negative thing or an ugly emotion ever be nothing but a tripping stone? i am going home on saturday morning! yes, i am excited and i longed for my sweet serenade!
i wanted to start packing ever since monday and i was actually taking my bag out and laying things down when i realized i had nothing to pack at all. i was appalled to find all my clothes still in the laundry bags and i have yet to wash like so many kilos and the machine broke down. devastating... i started with a few pieces already but the process is so slow and so detrimental to my health... ah, talk about all the standing and scrubbing and soaking and rinsing and squeezing... i have narrowed down, the single thing i hated most about washing clothes manually ............. rinsing!!!! you have to keep on soaking it in pails and pails of water and then to run it under the pipe over and over and over again but the soap never seem to be leaving the clothes! argh.... hate washing!
other than that, life had been swell, wish i can say that. but lately my head is so boggled up and there is just so many things to do and so little time and so little motivation.... so i am stuck in the middle of nowhere and i do hope things will get done before i leave for my break!!!
i have so many things to confess and yet so little dispensers. i wanted to share and talk and to cry out but there really isn't any place quaint and cozy enough for that. so many times i reason with myself, stop running in circles or you are going to suffer. my heart seems to have a heart on its on. weird and yet so so true. true. i wish it is heartless, ah nah, just relenting my emotions.
back to nice stuffs, i wanted to be great! to honour my Lord! ah, let things be and know that God takes charge. amen.
p/s: i have readers from poland!
stars stars stars. with a budget of less than RM 500. a well-decorated hall. lots of new ideas and with the concept of sustainability. and it has to bedazzled. i am bedazzled, that's one thing i can be sure of.
lacking compassion. i am still coping and learning and yearning and waiting. it is bound to come somehow. i know that. like how i am sure about other things.
i gained a lot from yesterday's sharing within our cell group. we ponder upon the work of joy within a christian. from the sharing, i learn great deal. everlasting joy is from reverence to God and knowing for sure the fact that Jesus died for us and that He promised us everlasting life. everlasting joy is not necessarily the physical form of joy but the fact that we surrender to God and rely solely on Him and that we are grateful for every new day and every breath of life. everyone shared their views and the momentum was uplifting.do not falter and do not fear, i am sure that God heals because He knows and that He loves.
no matter how bad the world may seem, we can always have peace in HIM. Praise the Lord!
i write for two reasons.
i like doing this.
i want to do this.
now, there's a third motive, i want to write t glorify my Lord!
this is a quickie, i am in your favour! lately, i had been so high-spirited, unlike the self i had been a few weeks ago. i am back and fighting! hiak!
and for those who are still struggling for their spiritual recovery, just to let you know, i will pray for you! i mention you to the Lord sometimes, under the category, those who need You, Lord!
and you know what? there are so many people out there who love you for you and because of God! and they are praying for you too! all will be well!
ah, i cant wait to get back home, but i definitely have to shrug off this awful cold first.
what's on my mind now? simple stuffs.
a fuller life with much more anticipation and initiation.
a healthier body which enables me go the miles.
a wider perspective where i can touch more horizon.
you get the idea.
i am not down or stressed or anything. i just don't feel up to anything. the strike of the lazy-disease! run!
i was up all night catching dramas and such and then i spent the next day sleeping and the rest of the day watching some more low motivation movies and listening to loud music.
and now i am here, middle of nowhere, doing i don't know what. i will be back very soon.
anyway, let's get to more constructive stuffs, i was c0-leading the prayer meeting on wednesday with cindy! it was a great experience, i learned a lot. i realised that everytime i decided to dedicate something to God, i thought i was giving people, in the end, i find that i am actually on the receiving end after all. i always get more back then what i intended to give. the conclusion here is that, when you do something unto others, you are actually doing it unto Jesus, and Jesus will bless you with even more to help others.
another hard core lesson learned, humility comes from acknowledgment of Jesus and self-respect. it is not a show or pretendence of any kind. it is a display that comes as naturally when you acknowledge your Lord and know your limitations. and you can see it. and God knows that. being humble means you do what you are supposed to and even more, and with the attitude and understanding that only when Jesus bless the work of your hands will you effort pay off. otherwise, everything is useless.
then, there's this new light i come to see. i see the people who come to the Lord to pray, that they are really praying because they need to and they know that they wanted to do that. the tired and the despair comes to the Lord for comfort. the joyous and the successful comes to the Lord to sing their praises and when they pray earnestly as one, God's light shines on them. they are beautiful. and this year, we are focusing on prayer. praying continuously in the spirit.
i like how rev wan put it, when you are sad or despair or disappointed, mind your words, because those are the words of death and devastation, they are not words of life, words that can save souls.
when i saw that i actually have readers from romania and such, i think i really need to watch what i write. i want to write for the glory of the Lord!
please continue to pray for XISHUI's progress, it is still in this slow-moving pace that's killing everyone, and pray that it is something glorifies the Lord instead of men.
today is a wonderful day. i called mom and we talked and although sometimes i missed her very much and some other time, i am worried, and more often, i am proud of her. she is a brave woman and i am sure that God looks upon her and wants her to shine in His light and that she will do wonderful things to glorify our Lord.
that's why i am asking, dear Lord, please listen to her prayers, please take away her burden and please take away her woes. and yet, You are the Lord, who am i to testify your judgment and decisions? one thing i know is that You will always be the source of joy and health and life. in You alone we put our faith.
i was in a dilemma. i wanted to join this trip all the way to batu pahat for a visit to the bird nest's factory. duh. i know. the kick is that i get to go somewhere! i borrowed stella's camera and i thought and planned of all the things to do on the road trip, with julie and grace and everyone else.
and then in comes the meeting with the dean for our bionite progress. which is something i dreaded because i am doing something i am not good at and i am in charge. that is like, my, disastrous.
anyway i was planning to say no to the latter but then i don't feel right, so i called my mom after worrying for an entire morning and yes, right after consulting her, i felt right, she can help me make the best decisions sometimes. whether it is for myself or for people around me.
she rationalized the whole situation with me and got me into the tight position of being responsible for my every action and that's when i realize my determination is based on minute issues. and yes, i had to go to the meeting instead.
i think sometimes it is not about making the right or wrong decisions, both ways lead to one end, you are going to lose something and gained another lesson anyway. the important thing is that you have all the support you need and you feel right about doing something and then just let yourself go and do it! by the end of the day, you will know whether it is right or not. and you know what, that is the least important issue to consider.
so i say, go with it, with plenty of faith and just enjoy yourself, whatever that you are doing. so what if you are gonna regret it in another 30 years or so. just do it. you are only living once.
i love "meet the robinsons"! such a charming and positive and motivating movie! love love love~
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i was reading today, and learnt something. there's this article in reader's digest (malaysia) january issue which sets this theory saying, women who prefer soft foods over harder ones have smaller waistline. that's something.
yesterday was a great day, i came up with a really amusing plan that is going to last me some time. i am sketching! if they do get better, i think i would want to start uploading them here, nothing's impossible, something which i took so much time to understand and accept.
i missed my family so much at the moment and for the rare few times in my life i am experiencing major homesickness and it is so unbearable and yet i took them for granted all these while. sigh, when change like this comes along, i say, go embrace them!
i came over a really inspiring and uplifting and comforting article early this morning, something my mom talked to me about and i really liked how it calms her heart and how it calms mine. i want to learn more and then hopefully i too can help. i know nothing's impossible now. with God, you will get super mega surprises all the time!
and one more thing, i will be having a blast!
25 days and i am home!
new year new resolutions, am i too late here?
actually i have no idea what i want to do with myself and people around me this year, i am still in daze from my past successes and oh so many failures.
frankly speaking, i feel myself changing. which is something i keep saying. i changed my hair style ( nope, it's still straight) and i changed part of my wardrobe ( nope, they are still nothing revealing and tight in there) and i intended to change my attitude too.
one thing din change though, i still like seventeen magazine so so much, even though everyone seems to get younger in every issue and the colours will soon become too dazzling for my eyes. now that's life.
this is so random, i need to get things listed.
okay, back to my resolutions, so here it goes ( in descending priority)
- Be a Christian ( act and think and talk like one) --- reading the bible religiously, go to the church, join more church activities, serve the Lord, serve my friends (the little i have left)
- Be a STUDENT!!! and that means more time on studying for real and less time on if only i were studying something i really enjoy and if only i am already working....
- Be a FRIEND!!!! be loyal and spare them my time. they are precious, and i really love them. just need to prioritize and show them my love^^ checking this one for real! and jing, i hope you will get my letter soon!
- BE A FAMILY!!! I LOVE YOU ALL, MOM AND DAD, ADN DANIEL AND KELVIN!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE SIMPLY MY WORLD!!!!
- Be a Musician!!! be inspired by music and take my guitar seriously!!!!!
- Be myself!!!!!!!%$^%#@%$^* yes, i love me, but upgrading myself wont be bad and i would definitely love myself more that way, and there's nothing wrong bout treating yourself right! stop being so narrow-minded!!!!!!
- Be ALIVE!!!!! stay healthy, eat right and sleep tight and exercise~~~ the later being the most challenging, but one can try eh?
that's all for now, but checking them off is as difficult as can be, hopefully it goes well^^ cant wait for the new year to start unrolling!!!! let's get started and move forward!!!! say yeah!
if there is one thing that makes me happy in the ultra positive way that says that i am living for a meaning and purpose that's writing.
it is simply amazing to string words together to make sense and to twist away from the sense and yet to manipulate all senses and lead people away from all things sensible. the world of words is another world, just like people addicted to online games. it is another look-out point.
when my soul is sorrow and when it is glee it always turns air-ward to the thought that i can write it down somehow or just let the feelings come into words and play around in my mind. it is a gift, i presume, one can speak through their mouth and one can speak through their sensibility and one can speak from their works and more can speak from words in print.
i think there are so many things that i have to be thankful for in respect of my gift with words literally. so many opportunities and assemblies i find them surprising me and supporting me and consoling me. if people have their music, maybe it wont be wrong for me to say that that i have my alphabets and literature.
expanding is underway and although i am more than brimming full from satisfaction, there are always so much beyond imagination, treasures and jewels and all things that bring wonders to a heart.
they play their part well. they put me at ease, they let me shed my tear. they lend plenty of arms. they never fail me through. i am blessed, in this very literal way.
when all is said and done, more will be said than done. this is the habitual fact. it goes both ways. read things from both directions, someone told me this. and yes, he's right.
a single issue becomes an issue because people are thinking from so many aspects and being right and wrong is not the sole event anymore. it is down to what we stick for and where we stand and our attitude and our morals. it is down to our attribute to the whole "living" issue and our self respect. it is down to our beliefs and our bottom-line. there are things that we can do and yet there are things that we simply cant push beyond. it is how much we can think for people rather than just the protagonist me.
i tried to push it off my mind because i don't want to be part of it but i can't. i am in it, i am definitely part of it and they are all the people i love and doted. the hurt needs consoling and the rash needs refining. and the most important thing is to remain the peace and tranquility we enjoyed so much. the priority is to help them overcome their pain and mistakes and come to reconciliation.
the hardest part is knowing that disappointment can crush you but yet you still hope for the better because of love. i am learning the lesson of love. how do you let them know that they could be better than what they exhibit? if nature is the one behind the whole thing, i blame myself.
more things are on my mind than i would like it to be but finding people who are willing to listen is even more difficult. someone who can give you advice and calm your ripples and take away your sorrows. and yet, it is only Jesus you ever need. let me rest in You for a little while.
still undecided on so many things, and things are changing everyday. having been in this situation for so long and yet, i am surprised to find myself to be still afraid of changes. changes are inevitably necessary and yet they can be awfully painful and terrifying sometimes. i cant imagine life without it though. ironic. is it because we like to torture ourselves for the sake of experiencing life?
i hope one day, a change came along and i will be changed too. a good one i hope. even though a bad one is not all bad, it makes you go to another extreme and when a good one drops by, you will really appreciate it.
it is more and more difficult to stand on the road of righteousness when compromising the wrong is so right in this world and you feel like you are defeated simply because you do not wish to falter. i am struggling to win this but i know God is watching and adds on to my existence as time goes on when i need it.
i just hope that i can be there already. been there, done that, but that also illustrates all the hardships yet to be encountered in the real life and that is another thing scary. aghast. be with it.
i hope i know where i am and that i am still breathing and that my heart still beats and the ecosystem keeps fighting and that mankind is swept of by another flood.
yesterday was sze inn's birthday! muacks! wishing all the best in your legally-aged brand new year! but, don't attempt anything drastic though, we'll still be watching you from the back with hawking eyes like an eagle^^
talking bot eagles, i watched Alvin and the chipmunks with my fellow friends from Jeremiah cell group and another few more additional members from other groups. people who know me would know that i hate spending money to watch animes or cartoons or 3d stuffs. so i was like, since it's a cell group thing, i don have a choice eh.
and what do you know, i actually liked them~ the chipmunks! not saying that it's really worth the money and stuffs but i had to admit that they are really quiet adorable, alvin and simon and theodore. so squelchy!
nothing's new in my life, only that there are things i learn to hate more and more every passing minute even though i am not supposed to and things that i feel more and more uncomfortable doing. my gosh, so many of these stuffs. and then there's the margin stuffs i am having difficulty tweaking in my blog. i am waiting for the hols when i can change my layout again.
until then, with bionite decor and xishui in each hand, i think i ll be happy as a bee.
guess what, something unexpected happened. i actually started to like sketching... i am like, so unreal.
