when the right time comes, i will know. i am sure and i have faith that everything will be okay because they are all in God's hands. i know.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12：18）
若 是 能 行 ， 总 要 尽 力 与 众 人 和 睦 。（罗马书 12：18）
let's continue to do just that. all things are possible in God.
i am leaving Kuching again soon, ah, i must say good times really flies... ah well, it's my last and final semester in UTM (let's pray that this is true) and i really anticipate a finale for my final year project (please please please!). let's work hard together zinc and grace!
i find that i am often not happy with my life. it is too hilly, and mountain-y, and muddy, and puddle-y; a valley here a valley there, a swirl pool here and another there. never easy never breezy never the way i wanted it to be!
but today i want change.
i want to be thankful, for all the experiences and knowing that i am still a lacking person.
one forgets this easily when everything is smooth sailing. i know because i have been there. my mom said that i sometimes shy away and cannot be what i wanted to be because i often feel inferior. low self esteem is sometimes a sign of low maturity or a sign of low fuel spiritually.
i am of two diverse extremes i later realized.
i am boastful and proud and vain and sometimes, even though i do not like to admit this, look down on people because i felt that i am actually better. negative feelings and emotions, all acts of selfishness to promote my own interior feel-good vibe, all these because i am exactly the opposite of what i really am.
a rose so vain, so haughty, she forgets herself, intoxicated herself in flounders and praises. she is so vain she no longer sees right from wrong. she refuses to see how ugly she really is, inside.
i am often ashamed of myself, because i tend to compare, i do not know how to appreciate what i have, i am not contended, i am very often jealous and felt that i am of the lower level and that makes me feel angry because that is just plain unfair. so when i meet people i am inferior of, i am totally another person. my weaknesses are exposed and i am like a stained sheet, trying my best to hide and fidget and lose all my poise and pretense.
but, please don be too quick with judgments. a sheltered rose needs room to bloom.
i am glad that i have God. He reminds me that He loves me unconditionally, He actually loves the lacking person in me, with all the flaws and imperfection. all the stains and all the dents. He loves me. I am loved, I am loved, I am no less than anybody else. I am as deserving as everybody else.
I am glad that I have God. He reminds me that He loves me, and all the people in this world, unconditionally. No matter how less they are, and how little this world made them seem, or how grand they are. Rich and poor, He loves just the same. Because His love is not based on act. His love is not based on what we do. He did it out of His own free will, for all of us, and if we were to, out of our own free will, accept His gift of love, we will receive His love. Unconditionally.
so therefore, what is it to compare? or to feel less or to feel empowerment over the rest? what's all that for? big or small, thin or thick, tough or weak, all God-given and all God-blessed. that person you think is less than you is no less than you. God made you and love you, as much as He love that person you hated so much. and we are simply placed in different positions, all for the purpose to better serve our Lord.
so the flawed rose humbly learns, that real beauty comes from the heart, and real value comes from the riches of the soul.
i am glad that God is now king, and is now the contentment that filled my heart and my soul. i can be who i really am. i lacking person made whole by all my past experiences and past mistakes. i read from Pastor Jaeson Ma's interview on being yourself and i couldn't agree more. be the real you, but the problem is how to be the real you? who is the real you? that has been a question i wanted to answer for so long.
being the real you doesnt mean that you need a new haircut or a new wardrobe that gives you personality and character. being the real you is embracing your background and your past. you might come from a poor upbringing and have fallen many times under the temptation of sin. but you have overcame that through God. your past experiences and challenges leave marks on you, and that makes you so different from everybody else.
i had a fulfilling Christmas and i am going to be a diplomat!!!! far-fetched but it's a good dream^^
it's all the rave lately, backpacking and traveling. i used to see foreigners lugging really big bags on their backs on the main bazaar or along the jalan padungan, when i was really young. i usually thought that it was weird but now, people around me are actually planning to do just the same.
everyone's talking about traveling after graduating. dora cheok from reader's digest also mentioned that she took time to travel the world. which is really cool, and a global thing to do.
you know what's really cool? it's to be able to find cheap lodgings. that's a real plus. a friend of mine went to taiwan and spent only RM500 because she managed to find a really cheap bed and breakfast place.
i bumped into this Malaysia Bed & Breakfast site that is really cool. it is basically a site that offers a platform for advertising rental and for people to search for a rental place. this site covers the whole of malaysia offering short term room rentals and also normal rentals.
this site is systematic in the sense that you can easily find your way around without a site map. it would really come in handy if you are looking for a room to rent. long term and short term. it is convenient, there are descriptive pictures along with some details like the address and the price and plenty of other information that you might need to make up your mind.
it' something new for me, i think we are way ahead of the era where our only way to find a place is by making crossings on the newspaper. and that could sometimes be misleading. so check it out if you are thinking of renting or wanted to rent a place.
good luck!
The wall around the world
By Theodore Cogswell, first published in 1953
Genre:
Science fiction, a short story
Summary:
Porgie was a typical 13 year old boy who was curious and determined about the things normal kids his age would not. Kids his age were eager to learn more about magic and flying their broomsticks and getting better results in school but Porgie was more interested in crossing that wall around the world which was a prohibited issue to even mention.
Review:
This is a well-paced and reader-friendly piece of short story that is both exciting and easy to follow. I especially like how the theme is easy to grasp and leaves a lot of space for the readers to ponder upon.
Curiosity is always a virtue, right? What happens when you are no longer allowed to be curious or to ask questions? In this story, there’s a big tall wall surrounding the whole world, but no magic and no broomstick in the world will be able to cross that height. Yet, no one is allowed to ask questions about the wall and no one is supposed to conjure up anything to cross that wall. But, what is beyond that wall? What is behind that thick tall wall; another world or just a hopeless black nothingness?
If I were in that world, I would definitely be just another normal and law-abiding citizen who does her part and try to excel at that and maybe just that. I will put in effort in school, have plenty of friends and have a good job after that. Then I would get married and have children and grow old and maybe, only maybe then, I would wonder to myself, what is beyond that wall? But that’s just that; I would not be adventurous and take action or be angry with myself because I could not come up with a sensible answer. Or I would simply dismiss that matter and worry about things more important to myself: my children, my osteoporosis or my penchant money. Ah, and I would die thinking that I am already satisfied with my life.
Life that comes with the juicy twist is the life where you are willing to take risks and allow yourself to be passionate. As difficult as it sounds, it is as easy a matter if you would just do it.
If you like “The wall around the world” you would also enjoy “City of ember” a 2008 film adaptation of the post-apocalyptic novel by Jeanne DuPrau.
The film.
The book.
today i had been walking. to and fro, to and fro, G09 my block to Meranti and to Stella's and also to Sakura's. it was really bright and sunny in the afternoon but soon after that, rain started pouring ans Sakura had me using her big big big umbrella.
no rain on me, no rain on me at all. it reminded me of that time when i was sitting for my Physics paper 3 during S.P.M., it rained so heavily and the guard at the school gate just would not let us drive in (now it's well equipped with the overhead shelter) and my mom was worried that i would get wet and spoil my exam performance (wow, ya...) and got me to use this extremely big umbrella. big and heavy and it hurts when i tried to rest it upon my shoulder after my hand grew tired from holding it. yes it is that heavy.
sakura's umbrella is equally heavy and the hurt on my shoulder is so familiar but that heaviness kind of set me in smiles because i was reminded of my mother's seemingly heavy love for me. yes my mom loves me very much, and i am glad to have a sister and friend in sakura too^^
nothing ventured, nothing gained. and i am all winks^^
i cant wait to graduate, because i have got so many planned, and so many uncertainties and so many diverged roads so i will start praying and start venturing, it would be so tough, but it would be so worth it!
p/s: lately i am into sci-fic and i am totally in love with them, they are so cool!
some great writers to check out:
Isaac Asimov
Walter Miller
Harry Harrison
i am clueless! but that's no excuse, a decent choice is to sit down and reevaluate.
and, so i finally sat down, took time and rescheduled my priorities. life had been nothing but hectic lately. hectic and really fulfilling and exciting, just to do it justice. life like this, which involves a lot of play and work reminds me of the time i was teaching, and the experience of LifeGame. i am really grateful that God has given me the time to settle down and reach inside, to reflect and to see where i am heading.
i am really proud that i managed to wake up early today to enjoy the day from the very beginning. starting your day different gives you a whole different take on that day. i woke up after the 15th or the 32nd time my alarmed rang and actually got to study those chapters i wanted to.
i did not manage to catch the sun rise, neither am i sure which way to look (stella), nor do i know where to go. so i went to the lake side where there's always cattle, or are they cows? i saw the burial sites for the cow they slaughtered for Haji's the other day when i walked pass the lake today. the soil still looks fresh and there was sand covering the top, small mountings on the grassy clearing. eerie yes, but i do eat meat, and i guess, i cant really say that it looks disgusting.
so i spent my morning there reading Isaiah, and i am surprised. so many early-risers in UTM. reminds me of kelvin, and the days spent in AIMST. lovely day today my Lord, and thank You! You made me feel like a flower in the valley of Sharon~
where can i find blue tulips? as special as they are, as special as i am in the eyes of my Lord~~
some of the greatest days were the days you spent in college, and that's right where i am now, but if that means the future looks meek, then, i won obligate myself to agree with that. but, i do want to make the most out of my college days, mind you, i need stories to tell my grandchildren~
i am into gilmore girls all over again. it started out with zero entertainment during the exam week and i have nothing decent in the laptop that says "watch this and you will feel so good and relaxed" and so i rediscovered the seven-season dvd of gilmore girls in my drawers.
at first it was random, i was like, oh i miss rory when she's just entering yale, so i turned to the part that she's preparing for yale in season 4. and then i was like, oh oh, logan, i want to watch all about logan, and then there's the lane's crush and then i wanted to watch the part where max medina proposed to lorelai and the thousand yellow daisies and then there's the chad murray part. ah... there are so many must-watch episodes and finally, starting wednesday afternoon, i decided on a systematic re-watch!
so i went into the fist season. where there's only rory and lorelai and the grandparents and lane and sookie and michelle and miss patty and bebet and luke, of course luke, and dean. haha, he used to be such a dork.
up to yesterday, i was spending half of my day watching the perfect mother-daughter scenarios and cramming for my test, and it was such a great day. and i was up to the episode where jess stole rory's book and rory called him a dodger, for his felony and jess was so smart to say, "oliver twist" and rory was obviously impressed. i guess that's why he became a book writer in the end.
well, it's perfect. everything's perfect, except for one thing, if they have God, then everything will make perfect sense and everything will turn out much better. i am currently reading isaiah now, and it is quite a journey.
i'm afraid that sometimes you just cant have everything eh^^ but fret not, lose some gain some, right, God?
if there's no gratitude and appreciation of what God blessed you with, then there really isnt any point owning the whole world right? you probably would still be unhappy too right?
ah, these are my humble recognition after watching this really cute video on youtube. ah, it's just i miss a big brother whom i never have^^ but i am satisfied, with the two of my ultra cute younger brothers! good luck in the coming SPM, daniel! and kelvin, keep fighting and keep your faith! have fun in Cameron!
i will polish up my guitar playing and practice songs with you two for God's glory, very soon now, you'll see^^
i wanted to post your pictures, but it somehow feels like i am violating your privacy...
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you!
God, i am so amazed by You. You know all there was,
there is and all there is to be about me,
things that make me tick,
things that i do wrong, things that i need, everything.
i have failed in so many circumstances to live the way You would wanted me to.
but i am sure that You will have Your way in me,
no matter how much i repelled it now.
Dear Father thank you for the song.
Thank you for all the inspirations.
And thank you for everything that i am experiencing.
Whatever you're doing
Sanctus Real
C G
It's time for healing time to move on,
Am Fmaj7
It's time to fix what's been broken too long,
C G
Time make right what has been wrong,
Am Fmaj7
It's time to find my way to where I belong,
Dm Am
There's a wave that's crashing over me,
C F
And all I can do is surrender...
C G
Whatever You're doing inside of me,
Am Fmaj7
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace,
C G
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
Am F
But I'm giving in to something heavenly...
C G
Time for a milestone, time to begin again,
Am F(maj7)
Reevaluate who I really am,
C G
Am I doing everything to follow Your will,
Am F(maj7)
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills,
Dm Am
So show me what it is You want from me,
C F
I give everything I surrender...
C G
To whatever You're doing inside of me,
Am F(maj7)
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace,
C G
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
Am F(maj7)
I'm giving in to something heavenly,
C G Am F
Something heavenly...
C G
Time to face up, clean this old house,
Am Fmaj7
Time to breathe in and let everything out,
C G
That I've wanted to say for so many years,
Am F
Time to release all my held back tears...
C G
Whatever You're doing inside of me,
Am F(maj7)
It feels like chaos but I believe,
C G
You're up to something bigger than me,
Am F(maj7)
Larger than life, something heavenly,
C G
Whatever You're doing inside of me,
Am F(maj7)
It feels like chaos but now I can see,
C G
This something bigger than me,
Am F(maj7)
Larger than life something heavenly,
C G Am F
Something heavenly...
C G
It's time to face up, clean this old house
Am Fmaj7
Time breathe in and let everything out...
i am blessed! i know that i am! and i am blessed! blessings from God!
this week is a bit of a flash, we had one, two presentations so far and a quiz well tucked in, and another presentation tomorrow, and after that a test. at least it spices up the boring blue of the horizon~
i am still crazy about Daniel Powter, and i had every single track up in my head and the smoothness and the clarity of his voice. i am so in love with music at the moment. yes i know music is created to glorify God and i am sure that one day, i will be able to glorify Him with my humble guitar playing and my somber somber voice cord~
well, here's another one from Daniel Powter:
Fly Away
Hey, there little baby won't you dry your eyes?
And tell me what I wanna know
You say your tired of this town, being pushed around
You heading down to Mexico
Tell me do you still got the same bikini
That you wore in sixty-five
You know that one with the rose and the other [Incomprehensible]
The one that made me feel alive
If your daddy asks me where you are
What am I supposed to do?
Just tell him the whole world is passing me by
I ain't got nothing left to prove
And I'm gonna fly, fly, fly away
And if our love is strong we'll never go wrong
'Cause that's the place to be
Baby, bye, bye, bye, baby
And if you ever come down we'll still fool around
And watch the sunset to the sea
And as the little black bird sat on the roof
Where did my baby go?
You said sometimes life could thrown you off track
You're weary and you never know
If your daddy asks me where you are
What am I supposed to say?
You tell him the whole world is passing me by
I'm gonna live my life my own way
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/fly-away-lyrics-daniel-powter.html ]
I'm gonna fly, fly, fly away
And if our love is strong we'll never go wrong
'Cause that's the place to be
And baby, bye, bye, bye, baby
And if you ever come down we'll still fool around
And watch the sunset to the sea
You send the pictures of us dancing all night long?
The person that you used to be is long, long gone
Definitely
So baby I fly, fly, fly away
And if our love is strong we'll never go wrong
'Cause that's the place to be
And baby, bye, bye, bye, baby
And if you ever come down we'll still fool around
And watch the sunset
Till you fly, fly, fly away
And if our love is strong we'll never go wrong
'Cause that's the place to be
Baby, bye, bye, bye, baby
And if you ever come down we'll still fool around
And watch the sunset to the sea
And watch the sunset to the sea
today's devotional message is peculiar enough. it is on patience and hand phones. so today, i made it a mental note to be more dainty when i use my phone, talking to the invisible communicant, in the public today. queer as it seems, i received so many phone calls today.
the first phone call was in the afternoon in the library. my dad called asking me to check the rate of flight tickets this december. this is a definite headache. i have no idea whether i can go back for the holiday or not. and stalling doesn't seem to be the best idea. but i booked the ticket from kch to johor already, on the 3rd of January, it is only RM40! single trip of course, and after all those miscellaneous fees it's approximately RM60.
then the next phone call was from ching wei, they went to get their passport today! wow!
then the next call is from dad again. further confirming my tickets.
well, i did sound kind of loud when i answered those calls and no, i did not really know whether other library users would hate me for being boisterous or not. all in all, i am lucky that my cell phone interceptions did not really cause any life or death consequences to anyone or anything today.
but, it was definitely an eye opener, that the smallest thing we did, conscious or subconscious, affects the people around us, to certain extend. however, i have to admit that many times, i ignored all these instincts and go on with what i wanted to do anyway. maybe it's time for character revamp?
all i know now is that animal tissue culture is ten times more difficult than how i imagined it to be and that i am not prepared for the quiz by 5pm later and yes, i bet the situation will be exactly like how it was in molecular test last time when i took the test without any revision. aiks... i is just a quiz right? and i blame the notes for being so bad at expressing itself. i blame the notes. seriously.
my conclusion is, i think the writer would wanted me to emphasize on the lesson patience more than whether i am using my cell phone properly today.
and for the record, i had two korens, two china chinese and another student i have no idea from which region sitting across my table in the short 4 hours i spent in the library today. i simply love their distinctive accents. ~ahbuhaseyong, or was it haseyong?~ intrigued.
i have always liked the English. it was almost as if it were a synonym for class and tea and lace and poise.
having no real life English-experience, i caught and learn about the English through glimpses and descriptions of its kind from the telly, the big screen and plenty of books.
to me, Gilmore girls, keira knightley, little women, and Queen Elizabeth were everything there is to be about English. oh yes, and plenty of classical music and those wigs, those comical grey and white wigs. and yes, charles brookes too!
the English have their very own flair in their music and their films. What I love most about them, though, is their accent. The heavy and rich tone gestures wisps of smoke, whispery or boisterous in bricked and cold alleys, with fur and leather and plenty of beer and cigarettes.
And I simply love that! Love here in the sense that I am intrigued and drawn, too eager to know and to touch and to feel like any young audacious women out there who is too afraid to be conventional and conservative.
That is the spirit that would have to be it! No one teaches anything about staying up-tight and conformed.
it is more than a movie, it was a cultural expose.
exactly like how i pictured it to be.
reminds me of my french and i. oui.
all the English-ness.
she pronounced in "cheh-llo" instead of "cell-lo".
the 1960's, the con-men in their prime.
it was the accent yet not just the accent, it was the smoothness but something more than that, it was the porcelain but deeper, it was the ambiance but that was just being too general. i could not pin-point and i insist that an experience that involves self-participation is the only cure.
can't wait to read this.
Love you lately |
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