i am blessed! i know that i am! and i am blessed! blessings from God!
this week is a bit of a flash, we had one, two presentations so far and a quiz well tucked in, and another presentation tomorrow, and after that a test. at least it spices up the boring blue of the horizon~
i am still crazy about Daniel Powter, and i had every single track up in my head and the smoothness and the clarity of his voice. i am so in love with music at the moment. yes i know music is created to glorify God and i am sure that one day, i will be able to glorify Him with my humble guitar playing and my somber somber voice cord~
well, here's another one from Daniel Powter:
Fly Away
Hey, there little baby won't you dry your eyes?
And tell me what I wanna know
You say your tired of this town, being pushed around
You heading down to Mexico
Tell me do you still got the same bikini
That you wore in sixty-five
You know that one with the rose and the other [Incomprehensible]
The one that made me feel alive
If your daddy asks me where you are
What am I supposed to do?
Just tell him the whole world is passing me by
I ain't got nothing left to prove
And I'm gonna fly, fly, fly away
And if our love is strong we'll never go wrong
'Cause that's the place to be
Baby, bye, bye, bye, baby
And if you ever come down we'll still fool around
And watch the sunset to the sea
And as the little black bird sat on the roof
Where did my baby go?
You said sometimes life could thrown you off track
You're weary and you never know
If your daddy asks me where you are
What am I supposed to say?
You tell him the whole world is passing me by
I'm gonna live my life my own way
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/fly-away-lyrics-daniel-powter.html ]
I'm gonna fly, fly, fly away
And if our love is strong we'll never go wrong
'Cause that's the place to be
And baby, bye, bye, bye, baby
And if you ever come down we'll still fool around
And watch the sunset to the sea
You send the pictures of us dancing all night long?
The person that you used to be is long, long gone
Definitely
So baby I fly, fly, fly away
And if our love is strong we'll never go wrong
'Cause that's the place to be
And baby, bye, bye, bye, baby
And if you ever come down we'll still fool around
And watch the sunset
Till you fly, fly, fly away
And if our love is strong we'll never go wrong
'Cause that's the place to be
Baby, bye, bye, bye, baby
And if you ever come down we'll still fool around
And watch the sunset to the sea
And watch the sunset to the sea
today's devotional message is peculiar enough. it is on patience and hand phones. so today, i made it a mental note to be more dainty when i use my phone, talking to the invisible communicant, in the public today. queer as it seems, i received so many phone calls today.
the first phone call was in the afternoon in the library. my dad called asking me to check the rate of flight tickets this december. this is a definite headache. i have no idea whether i can go back for the holiday or not. and stalling doesn't seem to be the best idea. but i booked the ticket from kch to johor already, on the 3rd of January, it is only RM40! single trip of course, and after all those miscellaneous fees it's approximately RM60.
then the next phone call was from ching wei, they went to get their passport today! wow!
then the next call is from dad again. further confirming my tickets.
well, i did sound kind of loud when i answered those calls and no, i did not really know whether other library users would hate me for being boisterous or not. all in all, i am lucky that my cell phone interceptions did not really cause any life or death consequences to anyone or anything today.
but, it was definitely an eye opener, that the smallest thing we did, conscious or subconscious, affects the people around us, to certain extend. however, i have to admit that many times, i ignored all these instincts and go on with what i wanted to do anyway. maybe it's time for character revamp?
all i know now is that animal tissue culture is ten times more difficult than how i imagined it to be and that i am not prepared for the quiz by 5pm later and yes, i bet the situation will be exactly like how it was in molecular test last time when i took the test without any revision. aiks... i is just a quiz right? and i blame the notes for being so bad at expressing itself. i blame the notes. seriously.
my conclusion is, i think the writer would wanted me to emphasize on the lesson patience more than whether i am using my cell phone properly today.
and for the record, i had two korens, two china chinese and another student i have no idea from which region sitting across my table in the short 4 hours i spent in the library today. i simply love their distinctive accents. ~ahbuhaseyong, or was it haseyong?~ intrigued.
i have always liked the English. it was almost as if it were a synonym for class and tea and lace and poise.
having no real life English-experience, i caught and learn about the English through glimpses and descriptions of its kind from the telly, the big screen and plenty of books.
to me, Gilmore girls, keira knightley, little women, and Queen Elizabeth were everything there is to be about English. oh yes, and plenty of classical music and those wigs, those comical grey and white wigs. and yes, charles brookes too!
the English have their very own flair in their music and their films. What I love most about them, though, is their accent. The heavy and rich tone gestures wisps of smoke, whispery or boisterous in bricked and cold alleys, with fur and leather and plenty of beer and cigarettes.
And I simply love that! Love here in the sense that I am intrigued and drawn, too eager to know and to touch and to feel like any young audacious women out there who is too afraid to be conventional and conservative.
That is the spirit that would have to be it! No one teaches anything about staying up-tight and conformed.
it is more than a movie, it was a cultural expose.
exactly like how i pictured it to be.
she pronounced in "cheh-llo" instead of "cell-lo".
the 1960's, the con-men in their prime.
it was the accent yet not just the accent, it was the smoothness but something more than that, it was the porcelain but deeper, it was the ambiance but that was just being too general. i could not pin-point and i insist that an experience that involves self-participation is the only cure.
Love you lately |
a mind boggling experience: i wrote articles online and earned money for that! i know that i am excited but, hey, where's the catch? especially when it pays RM30 for a piece as short as 250 words? well, i am new to this but i am not sure whether this a good or bad thing.
i have never heard of the University of Westminster before. it is in London by the way. the other day, i was excitedly applying for writing jobs online with stella in stella's room (mind you, the internet connection there via wifi utm 2 is really, superb!)and we went into a site that has all this scholarships for studying overseas.
so i browsed through those and found University of Westminster and they actually are going to give full tuition fee, accommodation fees, living expenses and flight tickets to those who won the scholarship. and they have so many post graduate courses to offer! i was thrilled but reality check shook me back. not everyone can get the scholarship. and, do i really want to continue studying? if i were to do that, if, i am never going to do any lab-related subjects anymore, that's for sure. but journalism? translation? education? hobbies and inclinations are one thing but making it into a profession is another story. would i get sick of my own interests?
ah well, all that's far-fetched talking anyway. too early to say any of that. even to consider is like, man, to soon!
i will just have to concentrate about graduating first.
i am still progressing very slowly in my personal journey of faith to finish reading the bible before i graduate. lately, something is bothering me. i am confused and reluctant to overcome the consistent flow of negative emotions that flood me atop over and over again. of course, i know, most of these emotions are self-enhanced and yet, i must admit that i have not reached the maturity i needed to deal with them so optimistically.
but, of course, this is not a very good excuse for neglecting the bible. i am still struggling with job. the lamenting from job, and then the scolding from his friends, and then more lamenting, more scoldings... dear Father, what do you wish for me to learn from all these? what am i to see from these? why now? why this time? is this Your will?
ah well, i actually pictured job to be in a poorer state, haha, but this one looks comical enough too.
well, sometimes i do feel like job. i would go like, is this really my fault? why on me? i don't think i am of wrong here. it is God who is putting this on me. or, this is the mean people working against me because i am just too good.
at times like this, i really wont need the three friends of job who scolded him. yes, they knew that he was wrong. and yes, well, as a friend, you do that. but. ah. at times like this, i would need jesus. He would be on my side, but He would also gently point out a way, gently reminding me of my shortcomings. That's God. my sole confidante.
i stumbled upon a fellow brother in Christ's blog and i am glad that God gives me all the bonuses by showering me with so much to create and to inspire and to be inspired. to be able to love and to learn and to embrace. sometimes, we are really taking things for granted.
learning to embrace differences and learning to embrace hardships and to embrace patience. blessed am i, my Lord!
i picked up my guitar again. i believe passion does push you forward. you can go all the miles you never realize you have until you found the great companion you had been, maybe waiting all your life for. i found love, and joy and peace and serenity, from my all-knowing Lord, my Heavenly Abba.
daniel powter came barging in, and also john lennon. oh i love their music! i am especially entranced in that late 60s to the early 90s world where it feels like there's a soundtrack in every scene and snapshot, and the music oh the music.
i wonder how far can i go if i can only dream and dream and dream and never take action?
housings and properties never struck me as something important until i have a new roommate moving in and she is pursuing her property management degree. that is when i started to give this department a little more attention.
my first woe was when i first came to johor to pursue my degree. my parents were coming along to help me settle in and although i was provided lodging in the university hostels, my parents were not. so we had to find a place for them to stay and being foreign in a new place, that proved to be difficult.
my second taste of the necessity to understand the property market was when my cousin got married. she moved into this beautiful semi-detached and i was like, wow, i wanted to start thinking about the house i want and start a fund or something.
but i was clueless. i do not know where to start. the prices? the structure of the house? the style? to rent or to buy? and the location? i don't want to get ripped off by mean dealers too.
like how i was with the business world, being clueless so i decided to make myself understand. this website is really useful, it's called propwall, click here.
this website offers detailed property analysis and lots of pictures. one can browse the website in accordance to location (the penisular) arranged in order of states, types of property (condominium, houses, offices, shops, factories and lands), alphabetical order, popularity etc.
the useful thing about this website is that it is easy to find what i want. say, i wanted a place in Johor perhaps, and it is further broken down into the type of property i want and then i can browse through pictures before i go into the details.
and the analysis is also very helpful. the analysis more or less described everything a buyer would like to know. if i wanted to buy a house, i would fret about the traffic, the neighbourhood and perhaps even the direction the sun sets. this is really crucial, i had a lecturer who got a house near a landfill and the flies are inevitably their biggest woes! purchasing a property is a big deal, and one would like to find out all they can.
when i said details, they really went into the details. from the price, to the tenure, to the facilities. they even have a matching system where they can help match a suitable property according to the buyer's demand to come to a satisfying property.
this is my first encounter of a property portal in Malaysia and it is definitely a fresh catch, gone with the bossy dealers!
for once, i am not going to apologize to people because of something i did just because i wanted their understanding and sympathy.
i am going to the one in charge, i am going to God, fearfully, and solemnly ask for forgiveness, because it is not half as important as getting people to sympathize or for people to understand.
finally, i think i am back on track. it was such a relief.
p/s: i have no idea what is an auditor and what they do, but i am here attending degree++, internal audit, having the faintest idea why i even enrolled in the first place. but, it is good, in terms that the internet connection is good, the weather is good, the food is not too bad and i get to get away for a while. but just for a while, it's going to be full throttle again after this.
so, like i was saying, my debts towards God, so don't judge me yet, let Him be the judge, and before Him, i see my sins and debts laid out on the ground, each and every one a new cut on my face, but He healed them, all the time.
don't judge me, and i will learn to stop judging too, because God did not ask us to judge, only to LOVE! and it's definitely more rewarding!
spread the love people! and rejoice!
grace is changing, very slowly, but yes, she is changing!
sharon is changing, drastically, yes, she is changing!
everyone is changing, for the better, for the better, for the better!
i don't think God will like a daughter like me very much, with all my ridiculous stubbornness and lack of faith and greediness, but yet, He still love me all the same. i just realize that God's love for me and for you has nothing to do with what i did or who i am. Amazing God He is! and i say if we could learn to love like that, love regardless of what a person did or where he came from, but loathe all the things he did wrong and be fair and helped him to be better, i think it would be great. i guess people just don't love, they only like someone when that person is being good and likable. they stop loving when the other person did something bad.
but who can be like God?
i enjoyed sister carol's way of leading the prayer meeting. she put in a lot of effort to help us come to Lord and pray to Him. God's embrace is mesmerizing.
even though i am still amidst my thesis preparation and mundane and on-going lab work, i cant help feeling curious, what would happen next? what has god installed for me? i cant wait to find out.
there are a few things that i would like to accomplish before i die.
- do trial and error over and over and over again, wholeheartedly, until i find my passion, and understand the purpose behind God's divine intervention in my life
- be convinced that God love me the way i am, and yet i wanted to do more to please Him.
- have a family based on Jesus' love and care for them, like the sturdy institution my parents built for us
- have perfect skin! the ultimate battle against eczema!!! the battle started when i was 9 or 10, and the doctor predicted full recovery by 13 or 14. and i am already 22!!!
- to flaunt my artistic side by creating a masterpiece!
- to be a teacher!
- a journalist! for RD!
- to learn to swim and do somersaults and water ballet!
- a sprint runner!
- to find out my blood type and be a regular blood donor
well, the list goes on forever. there are just, far too many things to do, and to learn, and to take in, and to understand and appreciate, like the saying goes, so many things, so little time.
and i am never to know God's time, maybe it's tomorrow, or the week after this that i will die. or i might get to live till a ripe old age of 100! ah, it's all in God's good plans, plans for our welfare, never for our destruction, this i always keep in mind.
i really want to master one thing though, one thing that has been bugging me since, well, for a couple of years already, when i started to become greedy and selfish and self-conscious and started to hate and resent. the ability to stop disappointing and give clear indication of what that goes on in my head. from now on, rejection only comes with two clear indications: the exact thing that's in my head, or simply accepting to offer help. it is not that difficult actually! God, i need You on my side!
lately, i had the chance to read about an over-achiever, a native-born, a Malaysian-cultivation who managed to accomplish a lot. his accomplishments left me in awe and among those were some of the things i would like to achieve too.
but hey, come to think of it, God has given me my equal share of achievements by showering me with the grace upon knowing Him. i am so so much, blessed, and i should already be giving thanks for that. Thank You Lord, my savior and my protector!
i'm loving, the stuffs and the things and the people and the agenda and the vibe and the pace and the menu too! i wonder how is it like, if i were to take one step different, just one step, would the butterfly effect come into picture? or the cascade effect? one thing leading to another.
my current predicament says that i actually smell and taste lucky. i have faith in the all-knowing God and i have motivation pushing me forward and i have learned how to love and appreciate (not perfect maybe, but yes i have learned to appreciate and to love) and i think i am complete. God did not make me perfect but i think life would not be as good otherwise.
lately, i am making myself occupied with quizzes and tests, like every other degree student, and i am experimenting with my guitar trying to play familiar favourites from my memory library, and i am trying to make ends meet by practicing thrift, and the last one is just not happening.
laboratory work started again this week, well, actually i am excited about it slightly, because that also marks that we are going to graduate very soon! and it is starting to be fun, wearing the dirty lab coat, washing regimes and seemingly highly advanced microbial work (which are actually just routine stuffs that anyone could be good at). i am actually enjoying the experience.
of the late, everything i s an experience. experience this experience that. it's like that it has already become an excuse. anything good or anything bad that pops up, it's an experience. so random and yet so predictable. is this actually a good thing?
one thing's for sure tonight, i will carry on with Job.
Job is a book that i really liked, despite the lengthy paragraphs and conversations. it is like a motion picture. preferably a puppet's show. or paper show. or just a 2-D toggling picture set. with wild colours and bobbing heads and wild facial expressions.
God has a light as an image. the satan will be preferably red with fire on the head. job will wear a really beautiful robe, stripes of colours, blue red pink purple yellow and green. his seven sons will be sized accordingly, each one a different colour of the robe. and his three daughters, their faces will be masked with satin.
the cattle and sheep and camels and donkeys will do the leaping dance and they will have funny grins. all on the queer land of Uz.
Eliphaz from Teman, Bildad from Shuah, and Zophar from Naamah. they will be dressed in bronze and silver and gold respectively.
the picture is very vivid now. colours and motions and disasters and lightnings. the servants will come runnig,
Suddenly the Sabeans attacked and stole all the oxen. tthey killed every of your servants except me. i am the only one who escaped to tell you.
lightning struck the sheep and the shepherds and killed them all....
raiders attacked and took away the camels...
a storm swept in from the desert and killed all your children...
i am only into chapter 8 but i had been listening to the same story many many times over from sunday school. and i am really glad that He blessed me with the chance to read this and learn something new from it every time.
today, i find job to be a really colourful story, despite the fact that it is very sad indeed. but, i don't know, today, i learn to wait and let the story unveil itself.
it had been a stressful week, and i missed a lot of opportunity to bless the people that comes along my way. i rejected the Lord who keeps knocking far too many times that i am starting to get used to the knocking, somewhat a white noise now. dear Father, please do forgive me, and thank you for the allowances for mistakes and bruises. i am really glad that i have You, and i shall wait upon You, like how You wait upon me to choose You to be king again.
You will reign. forever and ever more!
mental note to self: i cannot finish one whole fry set so next time just ignore the temptation and concentrate on having something that's proportionate to my stomach! greed greed greed and all that good for nothing cravings, go away!
today's bible reading is on Esther. this is my first time actually reading it from the bible, it was all listening before this. (my bible reading journey is underway!)
Mordecai doesn't always exist and so does Esther. however, as great as they are, they are just ordinary ones like you and me, what's so great is God. it is inspiring, God and His plans for us, whether we would acknowledge it or not. many many times over, we were left in awe in His wisdom and His plans.
what we ought to learn from Esther and Mordecai is their faith. simple faith in God that He wants to preserve their lives and that He plans for our welfare, not for our destruction.
sometimes, we lack the faith. not just faith in anything, but faith in the Lord. if we based our faith on ourselves (frail body and a weak mind) we are bound to be disappointed. because we are not reliable. we are weak. we tend to follow our heart more than what we should. base our faith on stronger people? they will some day disappoint us too, no one is truly strong or truly reliable. base our faith on our principles and our standings and beliefs? one day, you would be appalled to find all that to be mere lies and misinterpretations and convenient misunderstandings!
base your faith in the Lord and His everlasting love and His words of wisdom written in the bible. that, you need not fear.
what is this? i am receiving functioning wireless utm from my bedroom! how did that happen? even though that the signal is really weak, and that the signal comes on and off, and that the connection is impossibly unstable, but, ah... i am overjoyed!
today makes the mark of a good day~ it wraps up our proposal presentation, but in a way, it also signifies that the hardship of laboratory work! but, it'd all be in a day's work, and that's part and parcel of the whole degree thing, ay mate, lets just get to work!
i am currently listening to, brooke fraser, soon!
Soon and very soon
my King is coming
robed in righteousness
and crowned with love
When I see Him
I shall be made like Him
Soon and very soon
Soon and very soon
I'll be going
to the place He has prepared for me
There my sin erased
my shame forgotten
Soon and very soon
I will be with the One I love
with unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon
Soon and very soon
see the procession
The angels and the elders
round the throne
At his feet I lay
my crowns my worship
Soon and very soon
I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon
Though I have not seen Him
my heart knows Him well
Jesus Christ the lamb
the Lord of heaven
I will be with one I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon
Soon and very soon
Soon, and very soon, i will become^^
my thrifty-for-the-month thing is not working as good as i wanted it to be. number one, i lost track of my spending very easily and i can only account from what i find in my wallet from time to time. number two, it gets depressing over some time, seeing things and yet not being able to buy. that's just plain sad. but the good news is that i learned from this experience, i learn to share. as difficult as it seems to me, it is just as simple, you just have to give it a shot, and soon you will get the hang of it, and believe me, it is far more rewarding than you think.
but, greater news is that i am going home for the Raya break, two whole weeks at home with my family, because that means i don't have to spend any money, and the scarcity of what's left in my bank account would be happy to hear that!
the rumored murder incident in UTM a good few weeks ago suddenly struck something in me. what does it feel like to take life from another? i mean, there should most probably be a lot of fear right? and then regret? i have a friend who ran over a dog and that made her really sad and really scared. my dad ran over our puppy with his pick-up truck a long time ago, i am not sure whether he was traumatized or anything, but i am pretty sure that made him sad.
i did something once that i thought might get me caught and jailed, i have no idea what it was, maybe it was a dream, i couldn't remember, but i do remember being really scared and going frantic because i couldn't understand how i did something like that. and it was really upsetting.
we are given the power to take life, yes we are. strong hands and the ability to make use of weapons and such. but, are we given the authority to do that? no. why then were we given something and yet not being allowed to make use of it? that's the question.
well, i think taking life and trying to preserve it sort of coincide, and makes it the same deal. the inspiration comes from the sharing in fellowship.
siew kiong played a video for us, we see missionaries giving their lives to save the souls of the unbelieving.
giving up what you can never really have for what that can not be lost.
your life that you can never really keep or preserve, for the lives of the unbelieving who are yet to be saved.
today's exposure on some simple functions of the humble microsoft word in solving documentation problems drawn in plenty insights. microsoft word offers so many tools to help make documentation easy and professional but we never ever appreciate or use it that way. why is that so?
funny enough, it reminds me of the spirit. the spirit within me is powerful. more powerful than the threats of the satan that is around me, says the bible. and the bible also says that we can draw strength and power from the spirit, we are never alone. the spirit within us is like Jesus walking with us. that's why i thought, being ignorant can seem so naive in the good way sometimes and yet, being ignorant makes us miss out on so much. and sometimes, we missed out on the really good bargains.
well, for my final year project, the only thing that is new is that....
finally, i am back on track!!!
despite the fact that i still have a long long way to run, i am feeling contended. i know and am well aware about all the possibilities and all the unexpected changes that might come along the way, yes, i do know that, and whether i would still be able to cope and stay one piece, that remains a mystery.
and today is another lucky day. i stepped into a blog that is really astonishingly inspiring. the words the captions down to all the beautiful pictures. simply pleasant. yes, i do admit this, even though it makes me sound shallow, i am in love with all things beautiful~
i guess being busy is just a lame excuse most of the time. but people keep buying it themselves, and knows exactly what other people means when they say, i am busy. it's one simple fact string at us in the face, i am not interested, or i just don't want to. there is not much reasoning and logical excuses in this, so sometimes, i guess, just let it go. the time would come, when the person sets his or her priorities right, and do things according to just that. do you know how the heavenly beings rejoice and sing praises when you decided to put Jesus in the priority? just because it seems so hard, some hardly wanted to try.
i am feeling suffocated lately, because my responsibilities are catching up with me. and that i am dealing with new things everyday. every other day is another day packed full of learning experiences and new feelings and much much more confusions. but i won't want it to be any other way either. this feels just right.
i recalled the driver being a tiny man with a lot of creases and anxious looking. a lady in her fifties and two really young children were sitting in the passenger seats at the back. they were lost and they needed to get to KP. we tried our best to give directions but it was just too difficult to explain. in the end, we got up the pickup and showed them the way.
timid was i to admit to stella that day that i actually were reluctant to climb onto the vehicle simply because i don't know those people. i was disappointed with myself so many other times too when i was being so cautious and suspecting when i know i want to believe in the best of people, just like how Jesus sees me. the world is twisting standards and truths way beyond what Jesus preached, and sometimes we were just way too busy to notice anything. how did that happened?
amidst confusion and all sorts of chaotic mess, i wish to stand and keep standing firm. contrary to popular statements, i wish to make my own perception. as hard as it gets, perseverance will still be a virtue, at least for now.
ccs, they are scary. however, superiority over people is just plain wrong. there's no such thing as being privileged unless you worked hard for it under the same circumstances. but, why? why am i still insisting on things being fair and square? because that is really just spam, equality will never be achieved. some will look down on us, and we will look down on some. to fight for equality? fight back your own superiority and if that is successful, then you can move on to setting the world free.
the new semester looks really fine, i can't wait for it to kick start already! we have a really eccentric lecturer for english (eccentric in a totally good way) and i like her already*^^*. but, the other lecturers who failed to show up were just real bummers.
and then there's our final year project. our supervisor made it sounded easy peasy but we held our doubts. i am especially doubtful about the accessibility of projects, but he sounded so positive, so let's give it a try then i guess? it would be plenty of fun, i hope*fingers crossed*
i had decided to give life a new take. i will start doing things that i wanted to but used to shy back. i want to step out and step up and challenge the possibilities. hard, yes, but it will be worth it. and i have my Lord my God on my side, who can set me back?
