insanity

when you sit back to think, how things go by, how time slips by, every minute, every second, every moment, all kinds of images, actions, speech come and go, through your head, and the fact that we are under the control and restrictions of time and place, its perfectly intriguing. did u think like that before?

and i realized one thing: the older you get, things around you seem to revolve in higher speed and magnitude. things come n go faster, less heartfelt feelings deep down, yes, shallow, that's the word i'm trying to say, things become shallow, when u are more in touch with reality, things become shallow. things we used to like, we used to treasure, have become mere jokes, and should never be brought into day light.

i started to have this really weird, swirling, blurry feelings after finishing form 5. after spm, national service, spm result, all kinds of new things, new school, new ppl, form 6, stpm.... it seems surreal sometimes. its almost like that its too hard for me to take that i selectively "feel", and loosen the connections between me and my feelings, that i simply blur things out when i like them, or cant bear them, i want to heal, i want to be perfectly normal again, up here, in my head.

its not always bad. some say its anger management, but i m worried this is going down the road of depression! when too many sides of me lose connection with ME as a whole, i think that's when i will totally go berserk!