chia yin started teaching in Green Road since this Tuesday! so happy~ so many friends, working together, under one roof, sharing, and complaining to... this is so unreal, tat all of us, upper 6 schoolmates, get to work in the school, coincidence? luck? F-A-T-E? since working as a temp teacher, which i tot, n stil think is a rare opportunity: wei thing, chia yin, wee mee, eng, edmund, guan yew, stephanie, chee yuan.... its almost like a private party or something! happy!
chia's existence make things lively, cz more ppl to talk to, and to laugh and share with... so funny, listening to chia's woes, how she finds it diff to deal with these students, attitude prob, discipline prob, teaching n presentation prob... it reminds me of myself four months ago, stil a newbie, though liking every part of it, is sometimes on the verge of killing my students n squash them into pulp. its when i realize, this teaching experience, i did learn something, besides seeing the ugly side of how things work around the school, i ve become a more patient person. i used to bite the heads off those students lingering outside my class when i m having lessons, and chase them all the way back to their class. it was like yesterday's story, but in my head it was under the label "those-were-the-days", and all i do now is talk firmly to them: please go back to your classroom quietly, and ignored their sneering.... everything is fuzzy n blurry again, before i noticed, i had spent more than 4 months in school with my beloved students, n i dono wat happened in between. all i recall was how things begin n how things are about to end. i m writing my resignation letter n will be sending it in soon n my students are already pestering me for the exact date that i'd be leaving. 15 of june. it sounded like stil a long way to go, but the fact is, next week is the beginning of their semester exam, all the way till the 22nd, 23rd is the teachers' day, then school hols, n if i m not mistaken (heard this from wee mee), school reopens on the 12lf, which is a thurs, so its sooner than it can get before i leave.
the point is, up till now, it had been a crazy ride, full of emotions n sound, haste n hopes, humor and distress, and i'm lurving, every single minute of it~
on life issues again, this time, its about friends.
friends are very special n very delicate. sometimes they don deserve wat they get and sometimes they really deserve better. in any kind of relationship, we are always or should i say forever hoping on that, we are on the receiving end. its kinda selfish, actually. we sometimes try to be really nice friends, even towards those we don like all tat much, all in order to make sure we will be receiving goodness and become well liked in the end. man eat man world. doin nice things not because u want to be nice, just because u wan ppl to be nice to u, so u pretend to be nice.
in addition, sometimes we are more or less depending on our friends, because no one stands it to be an isolated island, we need ppl around us to make us feel happy n contended, so, these are the ppl we count on to pick us up when we are in really bad shape, then why aren't we treating them the right way, the way they deserve. when u are making happy changes in ppl's life, u are happier, and receives even more than u asked for. don wait till u have no more friends to cherish. it will be very sad indeed. call first!
friends really essential , things we need to survive: air, water, friends, food....
rite after i blog my last post, the result for interview following medsi test was out. i din realise that after 24 hours, and all my friends were messaging me: sharon can check to know whether shortlisted for interview lo~ , sharon i got the interview~, sharon i din get the interveiw~, sharon did u get the interview~........
for a brief moment (maybe a few moments, or hours actually), i was blurred out, then din really think bout it, then went really calm n stuffs, because i was thinking, if they dun wan to offer me interview at all, i won be half as disappointed if the result were to be negative in the end. plus i wasn't home that day. ( did i mention how packed that day was? morning, brunch date with ah siew and her mum n her sis, they were really nice!!! noon, at su chern's, playing Big Fish Games!!! oops, haven help her to figure out whats wrong with the installation, something wrong with the key gen... great games: Ciao Bella, Fairy Godmother something, really silly but really good! and went home with su chern's Nodame Cantabile!, evening, went jogging with my bro, its a record, twice in less than a month!!! i actually jog for a full 600 m!!! its something, for me anyway, night, was planning to go to One Life Exhibition with Chin Seng MYF, but ended up with headache, so mom ask me to stay home n coach my bro, studying for sejarah exam....)
so when i finally got home, after the jog, all sweaty and wet, climbed onto the computer chair (by pushing my lil bro off) and went to the main webpage, and there, i got the interview~
by the way, nodame cantabile, its, simply, OMGoodness, sooooooooooo, sssssssssooooooooo funny and touching and entertaining and, everything nice u can think of u can fit it in! japanese drama rocks! P/S: thanks Su Chern n Jing~
some of the funniest and wackiest scenes~ hilarious!
criticisms make me think. am i really on the right path? they say i'm not suitable to teach, because of my short temper, and weird theories, and my tendency to "lead by fear" instead of "lead by influence". well, to me, its the same thing. fear is another type of influence, sometimes it works faster, so its actually a more effective influence. therefore, a more suitable way to teach, since in teaching, which involves so many students, fear works better, cz it works on a larger scale, while influence, its like, on a much smaller crowd, some are influenced, some think i m crapping. so i m on the right path. i think.
what i really really think i know, the very minute i stepped in front of the class giving the introductory speech ( my voice cracked slightly and was shaking quite bad, but that's not the point), i felt like I"M DOING IT! as in, man, i'm this person, the person who's talking now, its SOOOOOO ME~ and i'm so liking it, because i'm no longer pretending to be someone else. the students dont know me, so i'm a fresh sheet, i can be anything, and most importantly i can be myself, and they don have to hate me for it, well they can, but i'm stil in authority, so they cant touch me~ it feels great!
i'm shouting, scolding, reasoning, giving MY opinions, saying my thoughts, making things happen all at my own liking, and i have the authority, i have the say, i'm like invincible! haha, that was great! finally, i'm not on the listening end ( nothing wrong about being the listening end, don get me wrong, its always nice for an identity switch, and i bet lots think so, otherwise there wont be movies like freaky friday etc). i m doing all the talking, n one can easily get addicted, making ppl listen, even when they don wan to, making them too enjoy listening, when they really don wan, that one, is really tricky, stil in the middle of coping with it.
the best part is, i m always in the place to help. i mean, lots of ppl need help, but they won ask for our help. seriously. either because they feel inferior. or they don wan to bother us. or they think its not okay to tell ppl their problems... etc...etc... being a teacher, students are practically WAITING to be cared for and concerned. every corner u turn, every step u heave, there's a student, who desperately need help, even the most unexpected ones, those bright n disciplined n prim n proper ones, sometimes they have the darkest secrets. not that i m being nosy or anything, just that i see all these opportunities, and i can do so much to them by just talking to them. its... amazing almost.
all this, just to announce that, i like teaching. and maybe u ll find me next time, a librarian. or a fisherman, or a tailor, a fire woman... another point i'm stressing, dreams are called so cz they are not easy to fulfill. a shooting star, that's what it is.
i'm really happy! the exam's are coming~ it means, hard work for the students ( so sorry for you guys) and extra time to chill for us teachers~ oleoleoleoleoleole~
extra busy last weekend: youth, school, extra classes, marking exercises, doing the sejarah notes, setting questions for my extra class students, teaching plans, gatherings.... so, i'm going to dedicate this week to zero-stress and toil!!!
a change of the background really changed my mood, big time! i think i should keep changing the background, for the sake of my own emotions~
i was under the rain today, twice, without a bath~ i hope i come down with fever, really dreaded to go to school tomoro~ people, things, thoughts~ if only i can stop thinking bout what's on ppl's mind!
by the way, the old saying bout not showering after getting under the rain, its simply because u might catch a cold right? i was in the rain, twice (yup i know i mentioned it, just stressing this point), and din take bath, and i'm stil okay? that was 7 hours ago. i really hope i ll get down with something. really need to skip school.
an inflated tire and thats all! i m stil in awe, this car is crazy, we went all the way up this a few inches high curb and we manage to get off with only a small puncture in one tire! its amazing~ seriously need to re-think bout proton goods (they are ok wat?) after saying a long prayer of gratitude and gratefulness!
celebrated Helen (niong moi)'s birthday today~ 21st! biggie! supposed to be happy, but i'm not as happy as i'm supposed to be.
1. i forgot to get her birthday card done, because i'm busier than i expect in school today. threw a real tantrum at 1H today.. scolding the girls again. asking them not to come in my class anymore, and they need their parents' letters in order to get me to teach them again.
2. transportation is a really big headache. dad's going to a jamuan thingy till late. bro got tuition till 9.45, mom working night shift last night, which means she's tired. and the location is a bit far, padungan, my mom not so familiar with that area. wanted to turn them down, but went along anyway.
so we went. celebrate. its fun, to be meeting them, choon fung whom i only get to meet in rare occasions, niong moi (of course, that's the whole point of the gathering) , chia yin (who's worn out from working whole day under high temperature), wei thing (my teaching buddy) and deena (the fair n lovely), we had a lot to talk about, and its really enjoyable. the thing with me, i always let small things worry me and take away my sense of ease, and drive me to the corner, unless i find immediate solution.....
okay, so mom picked me up from the church later around 8. and on our way home, maybe because my mom's way too tired or because its too dark, she misjudged the width of the road and hit the curb, and the whole car like hanging on the curb, but we did managed to get off the curb and drove home safely.
mom din complain anything but it makes me feel worse, and i'm clueless about how to show care or guilt when i'm dealing with my family, so she did not recieve apology of anything from me, and she must be really fed uo having a daughter like this, who's always taking things for granted, and i'm worried she thought that i don feel guilty n stuffs because i really do.
one more prob is i don know how my dad woulad take it, plus we don know if anything happened to the car because we cant see a thing, since its dark, and my dad did like ask me to skip the date tonight a few times because its diff to arrange for transportation under such short notice....ugh...
p/s: jayne~ i'll do the tag within this week k, haha, i m really like, cant find 5 person who understands mandarin, who're blogging, who're my friends, and are not yet tagged by you!!!!!
went jogging with my brother yesterday evening, stutong park. my first attempt to exercise since.... since.... hmmm, ever since i started upper 6? ah it did took a lot of courage for me to take the first step, every inch of my muscles winced at every step i took.
my bro jog for 6 rounds = 10km, he took 50 mins. i walked (mind you, even walking seems to be torture for a couch potato like me), 3 rounds, that's 5 km!!!! 50 mins too. so, i came up with this theory, those running for the Olympics are definitely inhuman, my bro told me the record was less than 30 mins for 10km, and only one hour plus for a full marathon!!! (if u are smirking thinking that this is easy, try it out for yourself! this IS NOT EASY)
so, about my exercise excursion to the park, well, its fulfilling, i'm actually starting to appreciate the beauty of God's creation a.k.a. mother nature! i'm the kind of girl who despises anything to do with forests, insects, dirty soil, mud, ponds, animals,..., you get the idea. so, this is new. i m starting to see things. and its amazing! i never knew tree barks are half so interesting! i tot tree barks are simply tree barks, but they are not! i paid special attention to a few trees and they are really different. the designs, the lines, the curves, the colours... wow.
my greatest woes:
1. m n e! they skip school for one month since February and they skip school again whole week
this week! the school management is really going to expel them if they won stop doin this!
2. problematic girls in 1H~ my my, i hope i can make changes happen, ASAP!!!!
i cant keep on with their attitude and manners~
3. 1B!!! i cant believe it, this is a good class, and yet i had to scold them like this today!
i want to be nice and friendly with them because they are simply angelic and adorable~
maybe i was really too loose with them that they started to cultivate ill manners and
become laid back and slack around in my class. woo~ sob*
4. can i be a greater teacher? who's more responsible and dedicated?
5. start being patient with my students~ this is like, soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard!!!
i sat for MEdSI test a.k.a. Malaysian Educators Selection Inventory test today~ it was...okay i guess? since its a psychology test so its only to like know what we were and are thinking and to see if we can handle a career in the education line. sigh, so i'm not sure whether i did okay or not, since there's no clear guideline whatsoever about getting the questions and answers correct or not. by the way, its 300 questions!!! we were required to finish everything in one hour, and yes, its sufficient, i had twenty minutes to double check my answers.
do i really want to be a teacher?
for those who were following my entries bout my notorious students, this is the sequel to it:
okay, tat day when i called the girl's father, i oso called another parent. the parent of a guy who's always very rude but in a more sissy way (what if my students were ever to read my blog?!) hmmm, i m not sure whether its rational to write bout them, this is difficult.
well i just write briefly. so i called the parent, and she was being really supportive, telling me we should keep in touch and stuffs. so next day, this boy, looking really upset, was even more rebellious. so i called him to talk, and he said, we teachers can simply make a phone call without even thinking in their shoes, and how i make his family porak peranda?!
i was quite taken aback. regardless to my shock upon his comment, i try to be calm n rationalize him, telling that i'm doin it for him, not just to vent my anger, and told him things like, if i dun care bout him, i won take my time to do all these, and that he should reflect wat he did and try to figure out his mistakes.
he was quiet, but obviously stil fuming. i really cant take it. so i said: if u wan me to care i ll, if u think this is really troubling u, i'll stop. i dun care if u wan to bring your books or not, sleep or come in late. i wouldn't care anymore. go back and think bout it and choose.
so, one week passed. i went into their class everyday, for moral and maths. i din even wan to look at him and dun care if he move round class freely or if he did hid homework.
then one day, suddenly, i found one piece of carefully folded paper on my table. it was actually an apology letter from this particular student?! i was like, omg~
sigh, this is a weird world, and we are all leading this really bizarre life~
I’m currently listening: black eyed peas feat jack johnson ~ Gone going
Johnny wanna be a big star
Get on stage and play the guitar
Make a little money, buy a fancy car
Big old house and an alligator...
Just to match with them alligator shoes
He's a rich man so he's no longer singin the blues
He's singing songs about material things
and platinum rings and watches that go bling,
But,
Diamonds don't bling in the dark
He a star now, but he ain't singing it from the heart
Sooner or later he's just gonna fall apart
‘Cause his fans can't relate to his new found art
He ain't doing what he did from the start
and that's putting in some feeling and thought
He decided to live his life shallow,
cash in his love for material,
And it's gone...
[Jack Johnson] --
...gone...going…
gone...everything gone...give a da**...
gone be the birds when they don't wanna sing...
gone people...all awkward with their things...
Gone......
[Black Eyed Peas] --
You see yourself in the mirror, and ya
Feel safe ‘cause it looks familiar, but cha
Afraid to open up your soul, ‘cause ya
Don't really know
Don't really know
Who is
The person thats deep within
‘Cause you content with just being the name brand man, and ya
Fail to see that it's trivial
Insignificant, you addicted to material.
I've seen your kind before
You're the type that think souls is sold in a store
Packaged up with incense sticks
With vegatarian meal
To you that's righteous
You're fiction like books
you need to go out to life and look
‘Cause..What happens when they take your material
and you already sold ya soul,
and it's...
[Jack Johnson] --
...gone..going..
gone..everything gone…give a da**...
gone be the birds when they don't wanna sing...
gone people...all awkward with their things...
Gone......
[Black Eyed Peas] --
You say that, time is money
and, money is time
so you got ya mind on ya money
and ya money on ya mind
But what about
That crime thatcha did to get paid
And what about,
That bid, you can't take it to your grave
[Jack Johnson] --
And what about those shoes you're in today
They'll be no good...
On the bridges you've burnt along the way
[Black Eyed Peas] --
All that money that you got
Gon' be gone (yeah)
That gear that you rock
gon' be gone
The house up on the hill
gon' be gone
The gold fronts on your grill
gon' be gone
The ice on your wrist
gon' be gone
That nice little miss
gon' be gone
That whip that you roll
gon' be gone
And what's worse is ya soul already gone...
(Yea it's gone)
[Jack Johnson] --
...gone...going…
gone...everything gone...give a da**...
gone be the birds when they don't wanna sing...
gone people...all awkward with their things...
Gone....
The original version, by jack johnson~ Gone going ( I personally like this one better)
Well look at all those fancy clothes
But these could keep us warm
Just like those.
And what about your soul
Is it cold
Is it straight from the mould
And ready to be sold.
And cars and phones and diamond rings
Bling, bling
Those are only removable things
And what about your mind
Does it shine or
Are there things that concern you more
Than your time
Gone going
Gone everything
Gone give a damn
Gone be the birds when they don’t want to sing
Gone people
All awkward with their things
Gone
Look at you out to make a deal
You try to be appealing but you lose your appeal
And what about those shoes you’re in today
They’ll do no good
On the bridges you burnt along the way
You’re willing to sell anything
Gone with your herd
Leave your footprints
And we’ll shame them with our words
Gone people
All careless and consumed
Gone
Gone going
Gone everything
Gone give a damn
Gone be the birds if they don’t want to sing
Gone people
All awkward with their things
Gone
updates on last time's experience with the kids.
okay, this is my conversation with the father of the girl who swore bad words:
(M=me, D=dad of bratty girl)
M: hello, is this XXX"s parent?
D: yes speaking. may i know who's calling?
M: hi mr. XXX, i'm XXX's moral teacher. i want to let you know what happened in school today.
D: ok
M: well, i'm not sure if u are aware of your daughter's behavior n attitude in school, but, every time i come to their class, she's late to come in, refuse to follow orders, refuse to do their work. and today, she actually swore rude things at me when i scolded her.
D: i see. ok, i'll talk to her after school later.
M: ok, thanks.
D: thank you.
So the next day i talked to her again, she totally ignored me. whatever i say, she say, dono. so that's it. i did all i possibly can. i advised her nicely already. i scolded her. i even called her parents. if she stil refuse to see it, i cant help her. i really dono what else to do.
and that's exactly what i told her: i m only a temporary teacher. this is as far as i can do for u. what i need to let u know, i told u already. this is your own life. you are the one to make the choices. i cant force u into doin anything. so please be smart n make the right choices.
today, she and some of her gang slept in my class. i dun care anymore. sometimes, i really dono whether to be angry at them or to pity them.
ah~life.
my student swear bad words in front of me today, sob, towards me? i hope not...
sigh, i have these ten something students in one of my form one classes, and half of them are from peralihan, all of them ridiculously disgusting and annoying brats!!!!!(total in class is 44) i teach them maths and moral, yup moral, and so i have this like mission, to really "teach" them moral.
but, students nowadays, there are like so different from our times. when i was a young student, teachers forever pose some kind of threat or fear or respect to the students. its like no matter how much we hate a teacher, we stil, at the very least, pretend to be respectful when talking to them n stuffs... anyway, its only my opinion.
so these ppl i mentioned just now, brats, they always enter my class late, 5-10mins, sometimes they skip my period entirely. but lately, they dare not skip class because the disciplinary teacher will can them.
they came in late. 10 mins late. i finished explaining to the class their assignments. they came in. loudly. sit down. clink clank clunk. loudly. was i mad. they don bother to take out their books. they don care wat's on the board. they turned around talking to their friends. so they have this big group at the back of the class having their private "meeting", in the middle of my lesson!!!
losing authority in my class is one sole thing i cant stand, i stormed across the room ( this is not the first time this happens), last last last time i talked to them nicely, they all went smiling, n sweeet, n say, ok, teacher, and they repeat themselves, again and again. until today, i totally lose it! i stood before their group, and said: what do u want me to do? i tried every possible way that i know. u r still the same. then i start the harsh stuffs, shouting, asking them to look at the board, take out textbook, facing the board, apologize for being late etc etc.
this one girl, very rebellious one, reluctantly turned around, muttering c****(rude word) and i totally snapped!!!
i went yelling, "say it loudly in front of me one more time!!!" she went jeling jeling at me, like she dun care, oh my, i really cant stand this kind of attitude....
my class was stunned too. i think maybe even classes from the second floor can hear me! sigh, so i asked her to give me her dad's number and i called her dad directly.
argh....... life is difficult.
the problem with me i think, is always thinking "big". what i'm trying to say is no matter what issue i'm dealing with, i keep on thinking that i can do something big. ok, example: my teaching career
1. i want to be the best teacher ever, a.k.a. the teacher all students will say: oh, she's the teacher we love most... etc
2. i try to change the students. complete makeover. naughty children, noisy ones, rebellious one... i feel like i can empower them and make them turn over a new leaf. even the disciplinary dept of the school had been working on this for years but stil in vain, i actually tot i'm better?
u get what i mean? i m constantly thinking, plotting, to be the best, the top,... But how far can a person go with enthusiasm without actions? i m plotting. yes. thinking, hell yeah. but hey, that's as far as i go.
dream smaller?maybe?
stephanie stopped teaching already~ chee yuan stopped in february, so now its me, all alone!!! so scary! luckily, stephanie asked wei thing to replace her, at least i have someone i know to accompany me~
haha, the first day wei thing came, we are worried, because she's so gentle and soft and we are scared that the kids here will drive her crazy! haha, but who would expect it, she did perfectly okay! today is her forth day and she already has the naughty children under control! she's so good at this!
i was in the staffroom when she came over to my seat giggling and i asked her what happened, she said she was trying to scare the children in her class who were awfully noisy, and because she's in the science lab which is very big so she cant yell at them. she came out with the second best way, she saw the typical long yellow wooden ruler we find in the lab and she was trying to make noises by hitting the table with the ruler, typical teacher thing. the outcome wasn't that good, because the ruler broke apart at the very moment it touches the table!
wei thing said she was stunned, so were the children. but she collect her grace and pretend to be calm and continued teaching. that was not so bad, at least not as bad as my experience!
last time i went sitting in for 2H, the class was like, omg, so noisy, i was real angry, even tho i m not teaching them. i stood in front of the class and try to get their attention by hitting my pen on the table, and alas wat happened?
did u guess it right? my pen simply give way, the spring, the outside plastic cover, the ink inlet and everything simply went flying in the air! its almost like those movies where everything went slow-motion, i see them flying up up up, and then down down down and the pliak, tham,.... everything on the floor, and then peals of horrendous laughter from the heartless children.... and guess wat, i was laughing with them! sigh, it was disastrous~
finally~ it has been ages since i can online! blame the poor connection, buggy streamyx, technicians of TMnet.... the technicians came over half a dozen times and cant solve the problem and in the end, they need the help from their KL backup assistance center to turn things round...
the first thing i did when the computer finally came home: watch 2 episodes of ISWAK 2 (4 hours worth of exciting, mesmerizing, hilarious, romantic, dramatic actions) and another 2 episodes of FTLY!!!! so altogether, its 8 hours of internet and drama and i never felt better than this!!! this is like taking revenge on the internet, make it tired and worn out because it left me miserable for 17 days!!!!! and my handphone rosak at the same time! thank goodness the parabola is still running as usual, but we are losing azio, tvb8 and xing kong~ i guess i m too dependent on technologies?
